BREAKING MY SILENCE
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MY STORY
I never wanted to talk about this or let people know I was in any danger. However, it seems the more I stood quiet, more victims were created.
Please understand everyone experiences trauma and abuse in different manners. I know there are women out there who experience this worse than I ... however, never make other victims/survivors of DV feel as if their story is less than yours. Empower others and help each other continue to survive!
I wanted to describe to you what I have been through and what I continue to go on a yearly and sometimes daily basis since 1996. I didn't realize for a long time I was in a domestic violence relationship till years after it started. It took for him to hit me for me to finally see the person he really was and what type of person he made me.
These are occasions I will never forget. I can even remember word for word some of the conversations. Yes, we did have good times, but in times like these, the good times are like a DNA strand in a puddle of thick mud.
I do not hide anything from my children. We are a very open family! I also do not sugar coat anything. If they ask, I tell them and then show them proof if its something I can show proof of. My children have read the court papers, seen the pictures and read this blog. They also remember a lot of this. It breaks my heart that my children remember things on this blog. I wish they were smaller and didn't have to experience it. However, this will just teach my children how you are to treat others and how they should treat you!
I started writing about this when I was getting my Bachelors degree in Criminal Justice 2008. Our assignment was to create a PowerPoint on a topic we felt the future police officers needed to be more aware of. I choose Domestic Violence. This paper ended with me telling my class I was leaving the school and taking time off because my abuser had found me and my children, which I will describe a bit later in this blog. This paper was very hard to write and even harder to tell my entire class out loud and with a power point of slides of images and facts.
My instructor told me I needed to publish my story......I have no idea where to start with making my story public, so I figured I will start here.
My goals... to make this public and hopefully help someone in a similar situation and two, show anyone in a relationship with him, the violence didn't start nor end with me. I am just the first one to speak out and get the police involved. I also hope his family gets a chance to read this and know the full story without me hiding behind a wall and not allowing them to hear everything which happened behind the closed doors.
For a long time I felt no one cared about what he put me through, then I realized I needed to worry about me and my children. I don't give a fuck if his family cares. I just want them to know why he is not allowed to see my children and why he never will see my children.
Happy Reading~!
My abuser name is Dean Guajardo Ramos.
Date of birth: 08/10/1970
Currently lives in Desert Hot Springs with his new wife Mari Sanchez.....
HE HAS SEVERAL FACEBOOK ACCOUNTS. THIS ONE IS HIS LATEST:
https://www.facebook.com/dean.ramos.106?pnref=story
Last reported, he is still not working and still doesn't pay child support. He would rather live with women who will support him.
Currently lives in Desert Hot Springs with his new wife Mari Sanchez.....
HE HAS SEVERAL FACEBOOK ACCOUNTS. THIS ONE IS HIS LATEST:
https://www.facebook.com/dean.ramos.106?pnref=story
Last reported, he is still not working and still doesn't pay child support. He would rather live with women who will support him.
He has 5 living children with four women. 1 baby passed away in her mommas belly due to stress from Dean.
He has been married twice that we can verify.
I am the only one with two living children from him.
He is not allowed to see any of his children.
2 by the mothers choice and he never tried to see them
3 by court order where he had no choice.
· Sasha Perez (no children together) - Divorced from Dean. domestic violence not reported but known.
· Yvette Rodriguez - DOB 1981. domestic violence not reported but witnessed - 1 living child born in 1995. She was 13 years old when he got her pregnant. He was 25 She told Dean in 1996 that he cannot see his son. He was cheating on her with me. I didn't know they were still together. He stopped trying. Dean had no will to fight for him. His son contacted him when he was older, when Deans brothers reached out to him and this child told Dean, he wants nothing to do with him, ever. This child changed his name in 2015 when he turned 20. Yvette was 33 years old in 2015 . Dean stalks his page regularly to get information about him and his new family. Then posts happy birthday wishes to him, every January 16th, like he has a relationship with him.
· Aletta (author of this blog)- 17 years old when I met him (1996), a mom of a 1 year old and we dated for a year. 18 when I married him (1997). He was 25/26. Domestic violence documented and reported. Divorced from Dean because he was cheating on me with Lori, for approx 2 years, she knew we were together. Domestic Violence too many times to write on this blog. Protection order placed - Active case till he shows up to court, 2008 case. Active warrants in Colorado for this case. No visitation ordered by courts. Full custody awarded to me. 2 boys from Dean . Stalks me and my children.
· Linda Lorraine Garcia - domestic violence not reported but witnessed by many, including his own mom. Cheated on Lori with other women. She has 9 children, mostly girls. 1 boy from Dean. She does not allow him to see this child. One has to wonder, what is she holding over his head, that he DOES NOT harass her in any manner to see his son? Its rumored he was caught "sleeping" with one of her minor children and was "sleeping" with this child's friend and possibly impregnated this child's friend..."but the dates dont match up"..was a comment said to have come straight from his mouth. Could this be what she has over his head? Did she threaten him with exposing him as a child molester in exchange for leaving her and their son alone?
Jessica (Jimenez) Balderas - domestic violence documented and reported. Cheated on Jessica with Lori. Lori knew they were together. Protection order placed for 5 years for Jessica and a 10 year protection order for her daughter. No visitation ordered by courts. Full Custody awarded to Jessica. 1 miscarriage due to stress. 1 living daughter from Dean.
Michelle Alvarez - Dated less than a year. domestic violence documented and reported. Dean was arrested April 14-19,2016 for this new case. They gave him Work Release and Community Service. He never went to court on June17th, 2016, never went to turn himself in for work release or schedule his court ordered to domestic violence treatment.
.................Who's Next?
Hopefully not his new lady MARIA "MARI" SANCHEZ who he claims to have married already. He is using her facebook as his own, posting bullshit about his ex's and disrespecting her by putting HIS business on her wall, for her family to read. He makes her look stupid and I feel sorry for her.
Hopefully shes sees his true colors before its too late.
https://www.facebook.com/mari.sanchez.18488?fref=nf&pnref=story
2019 - She is now his wife.
He does not pay child support for any of these children.
He claims he has a 401k Plan for them.
I was in charge of all the bills and payments when he worked
for Asplundh and he never worked for anyone after that with a 401k option. Not even when he worked for his brother! For this... you have to be working for a paycheck using YOUR social security number... and not cash in order for that to pay out to your children when you die! With a 401k you have to be working for the company for over a year. Some companies wont let you apply till after the one year mark. You also have to have a job to continue to put money into it and or still working for that company so they can also put money into it.
Can you imagine what he would owe if the other moms took him to court?
Can you imagine the amount he would not owe, if he would get off his lazy ass and provide for the children he created.
He will never know whats its like to raise a child from birth till they graduate and become adults.
****************
The Beginning
1996I should have seen the signs from early on. He was with a lady I knew since we were children and found out she was never my age. She was just more mature than kids her age. When I was 18 years old she was 14 years old and he was 24/25years old. They had a one year old together, when means she was 13 when she got pregnant. he told me he thought she was 18 till her mom told him she was not. Her mom didnt care. They continued to see eachother and got her pregnant. I was best friends with her sister in law.
I moved in with him when my daughter was one. Our kids were just three months a part in age. I wanted out of my moms house and to be on my own. We met at church. I had been going there with my "cousin" and she introduced me to him and his brother Joseph Ramos. Dean liked me but I was not very interested, I really just wanted to get out of my moms house. I know this now, however, at this time I thought what I felt was love and I thought he would take care of me and my daughter. He was older than me so I figured it was going to be a good relationship.
When we met at church, we hung out for a few hours and then we went to my "cousins" house to have a party. We were all drunk and high for three to four days. Shortly after, maybe a week, I moved in with him. Our apartment was off 88th and Pecos, in Thornton, Colorado. He has posted pictures of this apartment on his facebook with his white truck you will read about later. We lived on the top floor. It was like a town house apartment. The living room and kitchen were downstairs and two bedrooms upstairs. He asked me to marry him with a ring he had taken back from her. Yet, another red flag I didn't catch on to. It was a Princess Cut solitaire diamond with a gold band. Who would say no to that. I said yes. He was always drinking and I didnt drink very often. I felt I needed to be sober to take care of my daughter. He was ok with this. He got high a lot, which was never an issue.
1997
Dean and I got married a year later Sept. 1997. Shortly after I moved in, his brother Daniel Ramos moved in with us. He just showed up one day. We later found out the reason he had come to stay with us was because he had impregnated his high school girlfriend Cynthia Ann Romero. She told his mom about a week after he was in our apartment. We told him not to go back to her as she seems a bit crazy and he was not ready to be a dad. If he had, he would not have run from her. He lived with us for a few months.
During this time dean was drinking more than I thought. He was also having a lot of "demonic nightmares". These nightmares were very scary for me. I was not sure most of the time on how to help him. I turned to the bible more than once. It seems to calm him during these "nightmares" and he was able to wake from them pretty quickly. In these nightmares, there was always a "demon" chasing him and trying to catch him. One time, as he told me while "sleeping" it was a Pterodactyl which was trying to get him. Yes, a fucking prehistoric dinosaur. He never remembered these "dreams" when he would wake. I started to write them down. It was almost like he was fully awake during these times and would call out to me, talk to me and tell me in great detail what he was seeing. Always asking me to help him and saving him from the demon who was chasing him. I would rub his back and tell him I was here for him. A couple of times I had to call his brother in Leadville to help me "wake" him as he was not able to get out and would thrash around the bed. His nightmares got worse and worse as the months went on. One nightmare I will never forget, he was calling out to me and asking me to save him, telling me this very vivid dream and thrashing around the bed in a desperate run from this demon. I could not wake him, reading out of the bible didn't work and praying out loud didn't work, I had to resort to calling his brother, who was already fully aware of these nightmares as we had spoken about them before. He said we needed to go to church more and we did. However, this night nothing worked. I called him and he drove to the apartment. This was a two hour drive for him. He got there and was able to help me get him out of this dream. He had these nightmares a lot.
1997/1998
Shortly after this, we moved to Leadville, CO with his brother Joseph Ramos and his wife Wendy. We lived there for a year and his brother Daniel and Cynthia moved in too shortly after the birth of their child. Yes, he did go home for a few months to be with her. Anyway, I was always in a lot of pain during the winter months from back issues. We went to California one day to surprise his mom. This was in February 1998. I had also just found out I was 4 months pregnant. We went there to surprise her and we ended up loving it there as I was not in pain from my back. The California Desert heat was what I needed. We moved a few weeks later to his moms house in Coachella, California. This was a very hard move for me, as I was leaving my entire family behind and only taking my daughter with us. His son also stayed behind because Yvette had taken his "rights" away for reasons he never fought her for. I asked him to let me help but he said no. She never took him to court so it was never official. He just gave up. He was better off with his mom. We never brought up the subject again. Anyway, we moved in with his mom and dad and at first things were good. I was getting fatter and fatter with my growing belly and I was teaching my daughter how to read and do her alphabet. She had her 3rd birthday here, in March. Dean was drinking one day and got mad at me for some unknown reason and was yelling at me and raised his hand to hit me. I looked at him and tears came to my eyes. He sat at the edge of his moms bed, told me he was sorry and would never do it again. I believed him.
Months went by and he was always out drinking with his cousins Ricki and family friend Ramiro or his best friend George and I was at home. This was an every weekend thing and he drank everyday. He would be gone for a long time and come home drunk and just pass out. His nightmares continued here too. They were not as vivid or violent as when we were in Colorado. but they were just as bad. None stand out to me as they were so frequent I learned to live with the understanding I would have to wake him. If he was drunk, he never had them. It was only when he was sober.
During this pregnancy I found out I had an STD. I was mortified. How could I have gotten and STD and be pregnant with my husbands kid? His mom said I must be allergic to his penis. hahahaha. She was not aware as to what an STD was. At the time I never thought anything about it. I just took the meds and went to all my doctors appointments alone. He never wanted to go. He was always "too busy" at work.
At this time we were fixing up the garage into a bedroom so Dean and I could move in there. I did a lot of work myself with the drywall and painting while he was at work. I was not working yet. One day Dean and I were in there and he got mad and threw the hammer. Not sure if it was planned or not but the hammer bounced off the wall and hit me in the head. It dazed me and he said he was sorry. It never happened again. We moved into the room a few months later.
One night I wanted to go for a walk, I was 8 months pregnant and I asked him to come with me. He was already drunk. He said, "no I don't fucking care you want to go for a walk I am not going out there"... or something to that affect. His dad heard him and he was tired from work and could not go with me, so he handed me his "cop" flashlight and I went for a walk. I had my son in September 1998.
Shortly after this I could not stand being in his moms house. His brother Daniel and Cynthia moved in and things were chaotic. I was not allowed to wash clothes during the day, but she could. We had to make separate meals as someone was picky and others were not. People complained they didn't want to eat what I made but were fine with what others made. It was clear I was now an outsider. My daughter was also treated very different. I had to yell at Deans mom (Dora) one day because she spanked my daughter when I was in the house and she thought it was ok to discipline her without first telling me. This was the beginning of the end of us getting along. She would treat me much different that Cynthia.
Cynthia and I never really got a long. Not sure what her beef was. At the time I cared and wanted to know what I did wrong, but after a while I stopped caring. Things were rough there and I wanted out. I told Dean we needed to move and get our own place and he told me no. We were going to stay there and not pay bills. What he didn't see, nor care to see, was that his mom was making me pay bills. She was "dividing" the bills between three families but would never let me see the actual bill. This was starting to piss me off. Not to mention, I was told one day I was not allowed to eat in my room and I needed to wash our clothes at night. Daniel and Cynthia could do whatever they wanted. I would clean my room before I left to work, because if I did not fix my bed a note would be left for me to do so before I left in the am...annoying... and I would close the door. When I would come home, the door was open and there was always a note for me to do or not do something and my room was different. I could not place what was different but always felt something was moved. Then it finally hit me. I hated the "throw" pillows we had and I would never put them on the bed. Then one day I noticed they were on the bed. I asked Dora why she was in our room and she said I didn't make the bed right. I told her to stop fixing and moving our room around as I was not her child and I could clean the room as I saw fit. She didn't like what I said and walked away from me. She never cleaned my room again. However, the complaining never stopped. The talking behind my back with Cynthia never stopped.
During this time I was contacted by his first wife. She said she needed to talk to dean. As a concerned wife, I wanted to know why she was calling his mom and asking to talk to Dean. I drove to her work. She was very nervous and I am a very nice person. I didnt want to freak her out that I was going to be mad at her. She told me her and Dean were not divorced. This means my marriage was not valid. I was pissed but I could not be mad at them since neither of them "knew" it was not final. At least that's what they told me. I got the papers together and had the divorced finalized. Since I filled out the paperwork for them both I wrote the judge a letter to let him know Dean and I got married and I need their divorce to be dated/finalized before my wedding date. He approved my request.
1998/1999
I began to dread coming home, so I told Dean we were moving, he said no. I told him then the kids and I are moving without you. We got an apartment a few weeks later. We lived on Clinton Street in Indio. I liked these apartments. We were living in the very back of the complex. Things here started to get worse. He was always out drinking with his cousins and I was always left at home. Family functions were every weekend and he was always drunk. He would get mad at me for not drinking and always told me I was not enjoying myself and would say this so loud and mean to me, he would make me feel bad and I would withdrawal from the family function and just hang out with the kids as no one was really watching them. He would continue to pressure me to drink and mingle with his family and it made me hate his drinking this much more.We would argue all the way home about me not drinking and how I was not friendly to his family. This went on for years and at EVERY family function. There were so many times I had to get help getting him out of the car and into the house because he was so drunk. It was so tiring and repetitive.
When the loved turned to hate
2001/2002 A few years later we rented a house. We were renting from a woman I worked with and her husband. This house was on Diane Street in Indio. His brother Daniel and Cynthia bought a house four doors down from us. When we were looking at this house and looking around inside, Dean said something which I will never forget. He said, "this house will be the end of our marriage". I was like what the fuck did he mean by that and we laughed about it when I gave him the "what the fuck" look. He said just kidding and we signed the rental agreement. Little did I know he was telling me something I was just too blind to see it. My head was "in love" and not aware of my surroundings or relationship status.
We had been trying to have our second child together during these years and in 2002 I got my wish. However, little did I know this wish came with consequences. This year would prove to be the hardest I would ever face in my entire life. His nightmares were less and less during this time as he was drunk or drinking during and after work. He was able to get away with it at work as everyone he worked with drank. This was an everyday thing and worse on the weekends.
I was three months pregnant the day my life changed. He had been acting weird these few months and I could not figure out why. He would fight with me and leave to go drink with his cousins. He would leave and go to his brothers. We were constantly fighting over nothing. He had taken this Friday off from work to get fitted for a tux for a wedding. I had called him from work and asked him to bring me a different pair of pants. He said he couldn't he was busy and quickly hung up the phone. I called back and asked him why he hung up on me and he told me he was sorry and he was busy. Said he didn't have time to do it. We ended the call and in my head I was thinking, you are home... what the hell are you doing that you are two busy to drive THREE minutes, yes three minutes, to my job to bring me a different pair of pants. Call it intuition or whatever, I knew there was something up at the house and I knew in my head it was another woman.
I dreaded the thought of getting in my car and driving home. I knew what was waiting for me was not going to be good. I was very afraid of what I was going to see and what angry outburst was going to happen.
I told my boss I needed to go home and she saw a look in my eyes and knew something was not right. She asked me what was wrong and I told her I just needed a bigger pair of pants and Dean was not helping. She hugged me and told me to trust in god and he would protect me. She knew about his anger issues as I confided in her a lot.
I left and drove down the street to our house. The garage door was open just enough to stick a shoe in and I had an overwhelming feeling of dread. I slowly walked up to the door with my heart beating out of my chest. The door was locked and I grabbed my keys and make sure I made all the noise I could so he knew I was there. I opened the door slowly as I was not sure if he was behind the door or if I was going to see something else.
When I opened the door I saw two pairs of white tennis shoes. One his size the other not. I looked around the living room and there was nothing weird except these shoes. I walked into the first bedroom, nothing there but my desk and our fish tank with two red ear slider turtles named "This" and "That". My niece, ex niece, Mariah named them. Those were her favorite two words. She called me Tia Nice. I was always telling her to be nice. Anyway, I walked into the second room, nothing there but my kids beds and their toys. Third bedroom, nothing there but an empty crib. The kids were at my friend Petras house, as she was their babysitter. I dreaded going into my bedroom. I knew "they" had to be in there. To my surprise the door was open. I walked in. Bed was still fixed. Odd. Who's fucking shoes were in my living room?
I walked into out bathroom and Dean was sitting naked on the toilet.
I asked him, "What are you doing?"
He said, "Taking a shit"
"Naked?"
"Yeah"
"Who is here with you?"
"No one, I am home alone"
I stormed out of the bathroom. Grabbed one of the smaller shoes from the living room.
"Who's fucking shoe is this?"
"Mine!"
I said, "Really? FUCK YOU!"
The shoe went flying at his head. It hit my target.
I stormed out of the bathroom hell bent on finding this bitch who was in my home. I went back to the living room, still empty. The den, also empty. In my head I was like ok this bitch has to be in the garage and I walked through the kitchen to get a glimpse of hair from behind my fridge. What the fuck. She had shoved her naked body between the counter and the fridge to hide from me. I grabbed her by her hair and she desperatly hung on to the towel she was holding against herself. My favorite mother fucking cow printed towel, which was on my kitchen table, where my kids eat food. She was able to pull away from me and I stood there yelling at her.
"Who the fuck are you!?"
"Why are you in my house!?"
"What the fuck is your name!?"
Not one word from her. She would not even look up at me.
I could clearly see she was much older than me and it made me sick to think of her naked body holding my favorite fucking towel. I didnt even give a shit she was fucking my husband at that time. I was just sick to my stomach and pissed. In my head it was not all her fault. She just stood there. Not moving. Not reaching for clothes. Like a deer in headlights. Except the headlights was the angy words coming out of my mouth.
I then realized her clothes and Deans clothes were on the couch we were standing in front of. Dean came out of the bathroom.
I yelled at her once more, "Do you know we are married?"
She nodded, "yes".
Finally a response.
"Do you know I'm pregnant!?"
She burst into tears.
My thought was automatically. What the fuck!! ....all I could say was, "Why the fuck are you crying? This is my house, my husband, why the fuck are you crying?"
I was in shock as to why this bitch was crying. How involved were they... How was me saying I was pregnant the tear jerker? Why was she so scared and would not look at me!?
Dean came from behind me and put his arms around me. Not to hug me. Not to tell me he was sorry, but so that this woman could grab her shit and get dressed. Another, what the fuck moment in my head. I spun around and asked him, "how the fuck could you do this to me, do this to us, to our kids and your unborn child". I pushed him off me. Nothing came out of his mouth. Maybe he did say something, but my head was just so loud with angry thoughts I didnt hear nothing or see his lips moving. This pissed me off more. She ran to the bathroom with her clothes in tow. I chased after her and kicked the bathroom door in, literally, and stood on the toilet with her neck in my arms. I was going to choke the shit out of this bitch. I still do not remember any words coming out of her mouth, maybe she could not talk, whoops! or maybe I just didn't give a fuck about what she had to say. Dean came in and pulled me off her and pulled me to the living room. I was pacing around the house not even sure what to do. What the fuck just happen. Why did he save her and not hold me? WHY!!
We were in the living room and she came out and ran to the front door. He ran to her. I grabbed the door handle and told them they were not going anywhere. He looked at me and she kept her head down. She was wearing a white blouse, light blue jeans and those mother fucking white tennis shoes.Her hair was wavy and it was to her shoulder blades.
He said, "let us out, what the fuck are you going to do?"
I said, "the only reason the two of you are still alive is that I do not want to go get your gun"
"You don't even know where it is!"
With a smile on his face.
"Its on your side of the bed, under the mattress and its loaded"
Smile gone.
He pushed me out of the way and he and this woman ran out of the house and got in his truck. I didn't run after them. I was in shock. He just left, with this woman and I am his wife. His pregnant wife.
I sat on the couch thinking of all the events which just happened. I was just so unsure if it was really happening. Did he just leave me there?
I called my boss and told her I was not coming back to work. She asked one more time what happen and I told her what just happen. She said for me to trust in god and he would make things right. I got in my car and drove to the sitters house in Coachella.
I got to the sitters house and told her the events and she was just as mad as me. She asked me if I was going to be ok. I said yes. She was concerned I had not cried yet. I told her I was not sad at that moment. I was more pissed off than sad. I got the kids and we went home.
I threw my favorite towel in the trash to never be touched ever again. Fucking bitch.
The weekend passed and Dean still did not come home. He came home Monday after work and this was when I finally cried. He did hold me and I asked him why? He said he was sorry and it was never going to happen again. She was fun to be around and easy to talk to. The first thing out of my mouth was,"of course shes easy to talk to!"
He said he didnt even like her. I knew this was not true. Not the way they both acted. They were in a relationship and it was clear to me they were in love. I never let Dean have sex with me again. One I was pregnant and two, I was not about to allow another STD in my life. I dont know where she had been.
At this point I gave up on the marriage. I stopped being the "wife" and started to live there as a roommate. I didnt make him lunch any longer, didnt wash his clothes any longer and this was starting to piss him off. I could feel the tension building in the house as the days went by. This was pissing his mom off. "you have to make him lunch, hes your husband". Ummm No, I dont. He lost that privilege. His girl friend can do it now. I was done. Checked out of the marraige but I could not leave. I had no where to go.My family was in Colorado and he knew I was stuck.
One day we were able to have a conversation. We were talking as if we were friends. I was 5 months pregnant at this time. I was sitting on the counter and we were talking about this woman he brought into my home. He said her name was "Vero" and I knew that was a lie. I knew her face and I could not place where I knew her from. I asked him what "Vero" stood for and he told me "Veronica". I knew in my heart this was a lie. We talk a bit more about her and he told me she had four kids and was living in Coachella. I knew her from somewhere and I knew her name was not Veronica.
He still got drunk every night and we were always arguing and he was always yelling at me and calling me names, pushing me out of his way. He was always leaving to go drink with his "brother or Ricki". One day we were again talking in the kitchen and he told me his favorite band was in town. A lighter shade of brown. They were going to be playing in La Quinta. I was not impressed as I knew them from when I lived in Colorado. They were my best friends cousins.
I was still only 5 months pregnant and barely showing. I was under a lot of stress and the doctors were making me go in once a week. Dean once again never went with me so he had no idea what I was going through in this pregnancy.
On this night we were not fighting and I was not caring what he was doing. In my head I was no longer in love with him and was at the point where I didn't give a fuck what or where he went. He said he was going to Ricki's house to drink. I was like fine... have fun. (eye roll) Who fucking cares.
Next thing I knew I was driving down the street and saw him turn the corner with this bitch in his fucking truck again. You all know the truck. The lowered white Nissan truck with rims and tinted windows.
Anyway. I saw him and my anger turned to rage. I ran the red light and I saw "fear" in his face as I approached the truck in my tiny black honda civic hatchback.
He turned the corner, up a hill and "BAM!" I rammed the back of the truck.
"BAM!" once again. He should not have stepped on the break.
"BAM!", he should have turned that corner faster.
"BAM!", red lights are for pussies.
"BAM!" drive faster Dean!
"BAM!", why are you slowing down!
"BAM!" Stop sign......
I was able to get next to him at this point and motioned for him to lower the windows down. I yelled at him to pull over but he could not hear me, or was too scared to do it. I was pretty pissed off, if you haven't noticed.
My next thought. Go get the Gun!
I drove back to the house with the thought of, I'm going to drive aimlessly till I find them again in Coachella. I got to my house. Went into the house. Grabbed the white handle if the gun from under a pile of clothes where he stashed it when he came back. Thinking I didn't know where he put it. I then walked back outside. It was about 7pm and dark. It could have been later I am not sure what time I left nor arrived back at the house. I got to the drivers side of the door and was about to open it when I saw my reflection in the mirror.
I said out loud, "What the fuck are you doing, you're pregnant!?"
Then it hit me. Where the fuck where my other two kids!
As awful as this will sound and as much as I regret it. My five and three year old were in the back seat of of the car. Holding each other, scared, not talking and not crying. Just staring up at me with fear in their eyes. I am the worst mother on the planet! When the fuck did I put them in the car! Why did I not remember I put them in the car! Did I wake them? Did they cry at all? That's when I realized this man and this woman were not worth me losing all my kids for and making them orphans.
Rage was still flowing through my veins.
I drove down the street to his brother Daniels house. They were partying in the garage as they did every weekend. Every mother fucking weekend. Anyway, I pulled up and he came running out of the garage.
"What the fuck happen to your car!"
I didn't even realize my front bumper was hanging off. Still attached, but the right side was dangling.
Rage came over me again.
"I was trying to kill your brother and his girlfriend!"
I handed him the gun and told him, "If you dont take this, he will use it on me or I will use it on him".
I then got the kids out of the backseat and handed them to him as Cynthia was running towards us with an angry look on her face. She was always so angry. Anyway, I drove off in hopes I could find them again. I didn't get very far and turned around. My kids needed me. I picked them up and I went back home. Dean didn't come home for four days.
When Dean did come home I was not mad any longer . I even asked him if she was ok. Im sure I scared the fuck out of her and wanted to make sure she didn't get hurt when I was slamming my car into his truck. He told me she was fine, just scared. We just lived as roommates and argued all the damn time, yelled at me, called me names. Yelled at the kids because they were in his way. I was afraid to bring it up. I was not sure where it would lead. He was now showing a different side of him which started to scare the kids. I really don't remember much about the next few months. He was angry all the time and had hate in his eyes. He was acting different and it was scary.
My car was fixed the next day. I had applied for a $1000 credit card and I had just got it in the mail. My tiny black Honda civic was now silver and pretty! His truck.... fucked up for years. I twisted the bed of his truck. Whoops. I am not sure he ever got it fix nor do I give a fuck.
When his eyes turned red
I was 7 months pregnant at this time and I was not very big at all. I looked like I was 5 months pregnant. I was not gaining any weight and the doctors were growing concerned. They knew of our issues as I had to tell them so they knew the stress I was under. The egg shells the kids and I was constantly walking on. They offered to take us and put us in a shelter but I declined. The marriage had to get better.I am not sure what happen this day. Maybe I didn't make his lunch, maybe it was me telling him to ask his girlfriend to make it for him and his coffee too, which set him off. He got in my face and started yelling at me. I had never seen him so angry before. (my hands are shaking while I write this part) He started to get closer and closer to my face yelling and screaming. Put his hands on my shoulder and was pushing me. Then he got violent. He pushed till he knew I was loosing my footing from stumbling backward trying to get away from his hands. Pushed my head into the wall with full force in the hallway by the first bedroom where "This" and "That" lived.
He chased me when I ran to the room to get the phone. I yelled at the kids to close their doors. They were crying and screaming. He yelled at them to "Shut the fuck up".
I ran to our room and picked up the phone and called 911.
The lady answered and I told her he was going to kill me. I told her I was 7 months pregnant and he was pushing me down the hall trying to hurt me and the baby. When he was pushing me I told him not to hurt my baby he said, "I dont give a fuck". That is when I ran to the room. The lady on the other line asked if he was still in the house. I said yes, I was out of breath. He left the room then came right back. The first thing out of his mouth, "Where the fuck is my gun?" The 911 lady heard him. She asked, "Is there a gun in the house?".
"Not any more, I took it to his brothers house, either he was going to use it on me or I was going to use it to defend myself" I said.
"Bitch where the fuck is my gun!"
At this point, I was so scared, I was nervous and I laughed at him.
"Seriously, you are asking where your gun is while I am on the phone with 911?"
"Miss, is there a gun in the house................."
Phone was snatched out of my hand and shattered against the wall.
All I could think about was there was no way out. I was cornered. We had a California King bed and he blocked me on the other side of it. My only hope was to push him down, hoping he doesn't hurt my baby or I attempt to jump over the bed with a baby in my belly. I did what I had to do.
Like a football player, I looked left - right at him... I looked right - towards the bedroom door, and calculated what it would take to get there. I leaped over the bed in two steps and ran out of the house. He was chasing me. I ran outside and my neighbor was standing there on the phone, I yelled at her to call 911. She was already on the phone with them. The same lady I was talking to. How did she know to call them. Was I screaming? Was his yelling that loud?
Relief! This man was going to get arrested!!
His violence was recorded by more than one phone call!
Three cop cars showed up and took us to different areas of the yard to get the story. He was yelling at them and I was trying catch my breath. I was having issues breathing and catching my breath. I told the cops I was 7 months pregnant and she rolled her eyes. I looked at her and very firmly and said it again. She then got the look of "concern" in her eyes. They took my report, checked me for bruising. I had no marks on me. They took his story and placed him in the back of the car. The male officers came over to talk to the female officer who was talking with me and they stepped aside to speak privately. They came back and told me they could not arrest him. He left no marks on my body or face and there was no proof he was trying to hurt me, no proof there was a gun. Well, this was obvious, as I told the lady on the phone it was not in the house.
Dread came over me. They are going to make me stay here with him. I have NO family here in this state and no where to go. His family was mad at me for not being a "good wife". I called my friend Norma and I stayed the night with her and her kids. I could not stay long as there was too many kids and not enough room. I had no choice but to go back home.
I went home and things were fine for a bit. We were talking as friends and things were peaceful. Then one day we were outside and I saw this little white car and some lady got out of it. She was two houses down. His cousin Ricki looked at at me and he looked concerned. I looked back at that woman and I said out loud to Ricki, "That's the fucking bitch who was in my house, are you fucking kidding me!" I started to walk towards her and she started running. Ricki was running after me. She got into her car and Ricki was holding me back. Sad thing is, he knew. He knew the whole time Dean was seeing her. No one told me. I was pissed. Pregnant and could not do a damn thing to her out of fear of my child getting hurt.
I calmed down and then it hit me. I knew who she was. I didnt know her name but I was going to find out. The next day I went to work and I got her name and all the information I needed about her. I printed her picture and took it to him at a job site he was at. My boss didnt want me to go, but she knew I was going to do it anyway. I drove over there, got out of the car and shoved the picture in his face. She was the reason he said, "this house will be the end of our marriage"..... he knew she lived there. Really convenient, Dean. DICK!
"This is the fucking bitch you had in my house"
"No, that's not her"
"Yes, it is, she was wearing the same fucking outfit the other day that she had on when in our house!"
"No, this chick is ugly, that's not her"
He denied it. I got pissed and went home.
We talked that night and he confessed it was her. I already knew her name and he told me I was right. Her name was Linda Lorianne Garcia. I knew her as Lori. I asked him again about her, trying to keep the peace and being nice. I really just wanted more information so I could throw it in his face later that I knew he was lying.
We talked and I asked him a few questions about her I knew where facts but I wanted to see if he knew or if he would lie.
"How many kids does she have?"
"She has four and two baby daddies"
"No, she doesnt, she has 8 kids!"
"No she really only has 4 kids!"
"No, Dean she doesnt, she has 8 kids from 7 men. I know all their names and their socials, do you want me to show you?!"
He looked down. He couldn't lie about this one. He forgot where I worked. I worked for Social Services and she and her mom were clients. She worked at Walmart, where till this day, she still works, as a manager in the Walmart they created in Coachella. She was working at the one in La Quinta during this time frame.
"Why did you cheat on me with a single mom of 8 kids, who works at Walmart in the photo department?!"
"She's made a lot of mistakes in her life"
Word vomit, "Yeah, four kids ago"
He didn't like that I said that, but I smiled, he smiled.
"She drinks with me and shes easy to get a long with"
Word vomit, "yeah shes easy to get a long with, she has eight kids!"
He didn't like this neither. We fought, he called me names and he left.
A few weeks later I was at work. I was not able to breath well and I was thinking it was because I was almost 8 months pregnant. I was still very tiny and never bought maternity clothes as my clothes fit perfect still. There were people at work who didnt even know I was this far till today. I walked into Diane's office. She was my boss. She asked me what was wrong and I told her my chest hurt and I was having issues breathing. She brought me water and had me rest in her office. It was getting worse and she was getting worried. I was also having contractions. It was one week before Christmas and my birthday. She and another co worker loaded me in her car and she drove me to the ER. While there she asked me for Dean's phone number. I told her not to call him. She asked why and I said he doesn't care. She looked at me and said, "Mija, this is the baby's father he needs to know you are here." I gave in. I am not sure when she called or if she ever called him. I really didn't care. I didn;t want him there.
In the ER the nurses and doctors scrambled about trying to figure out why I was having chest pains, refused to "see" me and sent me to labor and delivery since I was also having contractions. Labor and delivery didn't want to see me because I was having chest pains and they were more concerned about my heart than the contractions and we about to send me back to the ER. Then a nurse stepped in and said, "we are keeping you, the ER doctor can come up here to see you and check your heart. We are not sending you back down there for them to send you right back up here".
They hooked me up to all the baby monitors and contraction detector machines and the ER doctor came in with an EKG machine. Hooked up all the stickers and wires and determined my heart was fine. They now needed to see what was wrong with my lungs. I could not lay flat as this made the pressure worse on my chest so I was sitting up. They took me for an x-ray and determined my lungs had an infection around the lining of my left lung and I had a fever and this was what was causing the contractions.
They admitted me into the hospital and my boss went home. I laid in the bed with all these machines, not knowing where my kids were. No phone to call them on. Too tired to push the button to call a nurse to ask her to call them. I still could not breathe.
My fever was 103 and was not coming down. The contractions were not stopping and the next day they laid me on this blue gel filled mattress. It felt like a waterbed mattress. To those of you who have never seen one in person, it felt like one of those gel filled ice packs you use when you have a boo boo. Anyway, this mattress was very cold. They had me lay on it with just the hospital gown. The nurse said I needed to lay there on it till my fever came down since the medication they had given me was not working.I am not even sure when they gave me meds. Might have been when they jammed the IV in my arm. I am not even sure when that happen. There was so much commotion when they were hooking me up to oxygen and the EKG machine.
I laid on this thing for almost four hours. It numbed my whole back, my butt and my legs. I could only feel the top. A nurse came in and she said, "Oh, shit, you are still on this mattress! How are you not shivering!?" I told her, "I am thinking warm thoughts". We giggled and she told me they were going to get me off of it. My fever was down to 101 and the contractions stopped. They moved me to a new room with a window and a TV.
Dean showed up at 2am. Drunk. He stayed for about an hour and left. I don't remember having a conversation with him. I just remember wanting him to leave. He brought me a gift. A gold bracelet. It was really nice. He said it was an early birthday and Christmas present.
I was there for a week. The fever went up and the contractions started again. I only remember seeing Dean the one day and I remember the kids came to see me once. I do not recall who brought them to see me. It might have been Dean. I was just glad to see my babies!
Close to the last day I saw Dean's parents, Dora and Jose, coming up the side of the building. The only thing I thought was, oh here we go, shes going to want to pray over me and make me feel guilty for being a terrible wife and mom. I didn't want her there at all. I told her Dean was being abusive and she told me her son would never hit a woman and that I was to stay in the marriage and make things work. I could not believe she thought I was ok with living this way. I didn't mind if Jose stayed. He was the only one who treated me like family. He genuinely loved me and my children. Anyway, the nurse was in my room and I guess the look on my face was concerning to her. She asked what was wrong and I told her I didn't want her here. I told her to let them be here for 5-10 minutes and tell them I need to get rest. I turned off the TV and closed my eyes. I laid there, opening and closing my eyes in a sleepy manner and then just kept them closed. I wanted them to go. The nurse knew my story as we talked a lot while I was there. She allowed them a quick prayer and then asked them to leave. I wanted to be left alone. I didn't want to see someone who thinks I am the one in the wrong. I am not sure how Jose felt about the situation. He worked a lot and I am not even sure he knew dean was trying to hurt me. Once I saw them outside I turned the TV back on and the nurse and I continued our conversation.
Seven damn days later, after being admitted, tomorrow was my birthday, Christmas eve, and I was still there. The Nurse came in with papers and told me my fever was still at 101 but they didn't want me to spend my birthday and Christmas in the hospital. She said if the fever goes up again, I need to come right back. She brought me a present. It was a recycled one and she admitted to it. She said he felt so bad for me she wanted to do something to make me smile. She handed me a square box and I opened it. It was a nurses comic calendar. I loved it! I went home that night.
During this time I had talked openly to my sister in law Wendy and asked her to be the one to take me to the hospital when I went into labor. She said yes. I didn't want Dean there at all. A few weeks passed and he became angry with me again. Rage and anger filled his eyes. He was acting so weird and always drunk. This night was the first night he hit me. He didn't hold back and punched me right in the face. My two younger kids were standing outside their door when it happen. I grabbed them and I got in my car and went to his moms house, it was about 10pm. I didn't want to knock on the door. What for, she didn't believe me anyway. PePe "Jose" was not there. I called and no one answered. The kids and I spent the night in the parking lot of my job. I didn't feel safe anywhere else.
The next morning I went home without the kids, I had taken them to his moms and talked with her. He was home and passed out on the couch. I didn't want to wake him, but he woke up and saw my face. My eye was bruised and he said he was sorry. So many tears fell from his face, I just looked at him and told him the kids and I were going to stay at his moms. He pleaded with me and I told him no I was done.
I went to work and had a conversation there with a co worker. He asked me what was happening and why I was still there. I told him I had no where to go and needed to stay there since I was going to have a baby soon. He looked at me with the most serious face ever and told me, "Aletta, when is enough...enough. I never got a chance to thank him. Those words stuck with me all these years and I will never forget hearing them over and over in my head. I wish I could remember his name and find him to thank him. I know he was in the Military and had been shipped off and that is why I never saw him again.
The Door
This happened in between some of what happen above. I was pregnant with my youngest son and he was in some weird rage type of mood and wanted to be sure he tormented me. He locked me in the bathroom he was sitting naked in the day I walked in on him. He told me he was taking the kids from me. Told me I would never see them again. I was locked in the bathroom and I never understood how he had locked it or how he was able to hold it closed when I was trying everything to get out. Once he told me I would never see my kids again I developed some rage I never knew I had. I started to punch and kick the door in anger. Not thinking it was going to do any damage other than to my hands. Then I realized it was cracking the door so I kicked harder and punched harder till I busted my hand through the door. I kick and kicked till my leg went though and he unlocked it and was laughing at me. This mother fucker thought it was funny that I was so scared and so angry that he was only joking with me. I was so pissed. Once I got out I grabbed my kids and told them that I loved them. They were scared and crying and told me they didnt want to leave with him. Fuck this bastard for making my kids scared because he thought it was funny. The next day I told his brother Joseph about it and was scared the landlord would charge me for the door he came and fixed it. This incident never happened again.
A baby Story
A few days later he text me to come over and talk with him. I didn't want to. I told him no. Then he called and pleaded with me and I gave in. It was about 11pm and he was sober at least. I went over there and we talked. I am not even sure about what. I remember waking up about 2am and felt really weird. My belly felt weird. I was only 8 months pregnant and barely made it to 8 months pregnant. I laid there and felt something weird again. I stood up. Fuck! My water broke. I didn't want him there. About 20 minutes later the contractions started and they were hard to handle. Dean and I would walk a few steps and then I would have to stop, walk a few steps and then have to stop. We finally reached the car and off to the hospital we went. I am glad the kids were with his mom. Once in the L&D room the nurse came in and was checking me and then Dean left the room. She was asking how I was feeling and I told her there was a lot of pressure. She told me not to push and I told her I wasn't. Then all of a sudden I said, "NURSE!" and she came running over. My son was born. She had to catch him. She called for another nurse because the Dr was not up from his nap yet and didn't think the baby was ready or going to come out that soon. I was barley 8 months pregnant and my son barley made 5 pounds. He weighed 5 pounds 5 ounces. He was tiny! I had only gained 12 pounds the whole pregnancy and my son suffered.
Before all this baby stuff was going on I had made sure to tell my doctor I wanted my tubes tied so that I did not have to go through this pregnant again. I figured we were going to make the marriage work and I could be safer without a baby in my belly. They stated they would tie my tubes right after delivery so I didn't have to stay in the hospital longer than I needed to. They forgot and so did I and they fed me. I didn't know you could not eat before surgery so I didn't question it. Shortly after I was moved to a room with my new born I asked the nurse and they said they would check. She came back with dreaded news. I needed to stay an extra day so I could have the surgery. This was not good news, I wanted it to be over with.
I don't know how long Dean stayed or if he stayed I had my eye closed during the whole delivery and I think I just check out and didn't want to know he was there. He might have been but that was not my concern. My concern was the tiny baby I gave birth to and my other two kids.
Dean came to see me the day after I had my son, he came strolling in with my two babies in tow. He was sober. He had a tiny grey and white cow sticking out of his blue plaid shirt with his black glasses on his forehead. I collected cows and he knew it would make me smile. It did. He was nice to me this day.
The day I went home was the day I was pretty pissed off about. My intention was to go back to his moms house. This was not Deans nor his moms idea. They had taken it upon themselves to get all my stuff from his moms and take it back to the house of chaos. I was very sad all the way home. The last thing I wanted was to be forced to go to that house. I told him mom I didn't want to go there and she said, "this is best for the marriage". Sigh, I am not sure she was ever going to get it.
Things were fine for a few weeks. Then one day, just like always he was drunk and acting so weird and crazy! We got into a argument and I knew it was just so he could leave. He got violent with me and was pushing me and yelling at me and intimidating me and yelling at the kids to "Shut the fuck up". That's when he grabbed the bracelet on my wrist and started to twist it. Twisting it because it was not something which could slip off. He twisted and twisted as I struggled to move my arm away. The bracelet dug into my arm and I knew it was going to bruise. It hurt so bad. I finally got away from him and I told him to just leave. He did. I still have this bracelet. Its gold, I am not going to give it away or throw it away.
A few days later I found a bill from the jewelers. I opened it, curious to know how much it cost. What I read was interesting. Not only was this jewelry bill in mine and his name, there were items on there I never received. Earnings and a necklace. He confessed he gave those to Lori. My bracelet was part of the set. He gave them to her on my birthday.
FAGGOT
A few more weeks went by and this was a day I will never forget, not that I have forgot any other night, as you can see, this is one night I will never forgive him for. I was in the house with the kids and Dean and his friend from work, I think it was Pete, but I really don't remember his name, were in the garage. Reggae music was playing and they were drinking beers. I peeked in at the wrong moment, or maybe it was the moment I was meant to see, he lifted his keys to his nose and took a deep sniff. This mother fucker was doing coke. No wonder he was always acting so weird!
The garage door flew open and startled them both.
"What the fuck! That was the only thing I told you I never wanted in my house. You are not to bring drugs in my house with my kids!"
I looked at his friend and said, "Get your shit and get the fuck out of my house!"
He looked at Dean for confirmation.
"Get the fuck out of my house!"
Dean stood up.
"This is my mother fucking house and he leaves when I say he leaves"
The brave me came out. I was getting more brave and more brave with each abusive moment and words were always coming out of my mouth before I could process and think about what damage he might do after.
"Then the both of you get the fuck out of my house!"
He walked over towards the door, backing me into the kitchen, pushing me, yelling at me, telling me that I was to never talk to him like that ever. Fuck you bitch this and fuck you bitch that. His friends can stay here if they want. Backing me into the hallway. The kids woke up and heard him yelling at me. They got scared and closed their bedroom door after I told them to go back to bed and him telling them to shut the fuck up like he always did. The baby started to cry. As he was yelling I was backing up into the babies room. Backed me up and pushed me into the crib. This made the baby cry louder. I picked him up as he was still crying and Dean was screaming at me.
Then he said it, "Shut that fucking faggot up!".
My heart stopped and word vomit came out.
"Did you just call your son a fucking faggot!, what is wrong with you? This is your son!"
"I don't fucking care!"
He raised his hand with a closed fist.
Word vomit, "You want to hit me again?! Will it make you feel more like a man? Does hitting me make you feel good about yourself?! You want to feel like a man, then fucking hit me Dean. If it makes you feel more like a man, then fucking hit me!"
He hit me about 7-10 times in my face while I was holding the baby.
I didn't move. I didn't cry. I didn't say a word. I put the baby back in the crib and just stood there looking at him. He pissed me off. I didn't feel any pain in my face at all. He never hit the baby. He stopped yelling, walked away and he and his friend left. I called his mom and told her. I stayed at the house. I never cried that night about this incident.
My Mom Visits
My mom came to visit with us for a few days and she told me she had come to pick us up and take us home. This was the first time I had seen my mom since 1997 when I moved away. It was so hard to tell my mom no because I was going to work on the marriage. She was not happy with me. However, she knew I was doing it for the kids. While she was there Dean was on his best behavior. Didn't yell or complain. However, there was something my mom noticed that I didn't. She told me about it after she left. Dean never helped me with the kids. I was the one cooking, cleaning and taking care of all the kids needs. She asked me if he ever helped me and that is when I realized he never did. I fed them, read to them, bathed them and cared for their ever need. This was something I never noticed. She asked me one more time to come home and I declined. I don't remember being able to sit and talk with my mom. I am sure there are things in this blog which will make her cry as I have not told many people the events of this marriage, simply because talking about it made me nervous and two I was not sure anyone cared. Now, I don't care who knows or what they know. These are the events of MY life and I want the world to know there is a way out. You have to simply remember the words which were told me me, "when is enough...enough". Mom, when you read this, I am sorry and I love you. I wish I would have left that day with you.
Depression Sets in
Things were not changing, they were only getting worse. The kids and I were always alone. We were always fighting and I just was not doing well. This day was the day I lost my mind. It was a weekend and I hated the fact of knowing he was not with me and he was with her. I got all his "prized" bottles of alcohol and took them outside. I dumped all the contents. I was done with his drinking. Once I started to empty them rage set in and I was so angry at all he put me through and all I allowed him to put my kids through.
Today I am sure the neighbors saw me and didn't care but understood my anger.
I grabbed all the empty bottles and threw them at his blue Nissan car which was parked in the back yard. I made sure I smashed every bottle into the car and the window of the car. I was so pissed that these bottles were more important than his family. He also didn't know I went through his wallet and took out the wrapped up paper of coke. I dumped that all over the car too. My family was more important.
After I was done, I went into the house and smashed all the wedding photos. They were all in full glass frames so they shattered and it made me feel a little better. When I was finally done I knew things had gotten much worse for me and I needed to get the fuck out of the house. Next thing I knew I had woken up in a fog and was banging my head on the tile floor. My head hurt and it was bleeding. I didnt even know when I had started to hit my head on the floor. I just remember seeing it get closer to my face then away from my face and ten closer again. That's when I knew I needed to get the fuck out and sooner than I was planning. My kids needed me to be 100% and not this broken woman crying and mad all the time.
Dean came home and looked around and was mad I had broken all his shit. I didn't care.
"Why did you break all the bottles, those were the bottles I was saving from Anthony! Our wedding photos!!! Don't you care about this marriage!"
Anthony is his oldest son. He has had nothing to do with him since he was 2.
He walked outside all pissed off.
"What the fuck did you do to my car, you fucking crazy bitch!"
Word vomit, "I care about this marriage as much as you do!"
I dont remember much after that. I do know he didn't hit me this night but he did leave after verbally assaulting me and telling me what terrible bitch I was to destroy a bottle of alcohol in the shape of a baseball bat with the Colorado Rockies logo on it, his son had "given" to him when he was a baby.
"I want my boyfriend! I want my boyfriend Dean. He's my boyfriend!"
"Bitch shut the fuck up already!" Someone yelled.
I think it might have been Cynthia or his cousin Dora Galvan. I am not sure. I know it was a female.
"I want my boyfriend Dean!"
I came out of the garage to see what they were yelling about.
Lori was drunk and sitting on the giant green electrical box outside her moms house. Her sister was telling her to shut the fuck up too.
"I want my boyfriend Dean!"
"Lori, shut the fuck up! Hes my husband and hes not going to you"
I could see a half grin on Deans face and I knew this was what he wanted. He wanted us to fight over him. Oh hell no! Fuck that!
She came over and got in my face.
She came over yelling and telling me she fucks him all the time and how shes going to take him from me. We all stood around her, and her family behind her. Cynthia was on my right and Dora was on my left. Dean was behind me and the other men, Daniel, Ricki and Roel were behind and on the sides of Dean.
"All you bitches only bother me when you're pregnant!"
Cynthia and Dora were both very pregnant.
I said to her, "I'm not pregnant my son is in the house!"
She grabbed my chin very lightly with a giant smile on her face and said, "Bitch you don't fucking understand, he's mine!"
Word vomit
I turned around, grabbed him by his blue plaid button up shirt, spin him in front of me, and said, "Here you can fucking have him" and pushed him into her.
This shocked his whole family and I walked inside. I dont remember coming back out, I was fucking pissed, but I do remember him not coming in that night.
Today I am sure the neighbors saw me and didn't care but understood my anger.
I grabbed all the empty bottles and threw them at his blue Nissan car which was parked in the back yard. I made sure I smashed every bottle into the car and the window of the car. I was so pissed that these bottles were more important than his family. He also didn't know I went through his wallet and took out the wrapped up paper of coke. I dumped that all over the car too. My family was more important.
After I was done, I went into the house and smashed all the wedding photos. They were all in full glass frames so they shattered and it made me feel a little better. When I was finally done I knew things had gotten much worse for me and I needed to get the fuck out of the house. Next thing I knew I had woken up in a fog and was banging my head on the tile floor. My head hurt and it was bleeding. I didnt even know when I had started to hit my head on the floor. I just remember seeing it get closer to my face then away from my face and ten closer again. That's when I knew I needed to get the fuck out and sooner than I was planning. My kids needed me to be 100% and not this broken woman crying and mad all the time.
Dean came home and looked around and was mad I had broken all his shit. I didn't care.
"Why did you break all the bottles, those were the bottles I was saving from Anthony! Our wedding photos!!! Don't you care about this marriage!"
Anthony is his oldest son. He has had nothing to do with him since he was 2.
He walked outside all pissed off.
"What the fuck did you do to my car, you fucking crazy bitch!"
Word vomit, "I care about this marriage as much as you do!"
I dont remember much after that. I do know he didn't hit me this night but he did leave after verbally assaulting me and telling me what terrible bitch I was to destroy a bottle of alcohol in the shape of a baseball bat with the Colorado Rockies logo on it, his son had "given" to him when he was a baby.
My daughters 5th birthday party
My son was only a 2 months old and we planned a party at our house for her. We had a jump castle and things were nice. We had his family over and we were all having a good time. It was getting later and later and then it started. The drunk conversations and some bitch yelling down the street. Took me a second to understand what was coming out of her mouth and then anger set in. I know his family was pissed too. "I want my boyfriend! I want my boyfriend Dean. He's my boyfriend!"
"Bitch shut the fuck up already!" Someone yelled.
I think it might have been Cynthia or his cousin Dora Galvan. I am not sure. I know it was a female.
"I want my boyfriend Dean!"
I came out of the garage to see what they were yelling about.
Lori was drunk and sitting on the giant green electrical box outside her moms house. Her sister was telling her to shut the fuck up too.
"I want my boyfriend Dean!"
"Lori, shut the fuck up! Hes my husband and hes not going to you"
I could see a half grin on Deans face and I knew this was what he wanted. He wanted us to fight over him. Oh hell no! Fuck that!
She came over and got in my face.
She came over yelling and telling me she fucks him all the time and how shes going to take him from me. We all stood around her, and her family behind her. Cynthia was on my right and Dora was on my left. Dean was behind me and the other men, Daniel, Ricki and Roel were behind and on the sides of Dean.
"All you bitches only bother me when you're pregnant!"
Cynthia and Dora were both very pregnant.
I said to her, "I'm not pregnant my son is in the house!"
She grabbed my chin very lightly with a giant smile on her face and said, "Bitch you don't fucking understand, he's mine!"
Word vomit
I turned around, grabbed him by his blue plaid button up shirt, spin him in front of me, and said, "Here you can fucking have him" and pushed him into her.
This shocked his whole family and I walked inside. I dont remember coming back out, I was fucking pissed, but I do remember him not coming in that night.
The phone call which changed everything
So, at the beginning of this story you read about when I walked in the house to the worse day of my life. Well, here was was happening in the months leading up to this phone call. My mom didn't raise a timid woman, although from reading this you would think I was scared of him. I was, but I was a mom first before a wife. My kids meant more to me than this marriage ever would. Like you have read before, I didnt cry much, at least not in front of him. I didn't feel he deserved to know the pain I felt. Anyway, we were both working and I paid all the bills and made sure we had food and everything was in place. He clearly didn't help with anything.
During this these months I opened a bank account just in my name. I left all the documents at work. My plan was to have a backup money plan in the event the kids and I needed to run and quickly. Things were getting worse and I needed a plan. I only paid the bills we needed to pay so he would not be suspicious should a cut off notice come in the mail. I handled all the money so he had no idea I was moving money from his account to mine. I was setting it up so I could get the fuck out. He had no idea. We never talked about money the entire time we were married. He didnt know how to check the account. He never liked to go into the bank neither.
During this these months I opened a bank account just in my name. I left all the documents at work. My plan was to have a backup money plan in the event the kids and I needed to run and quickly. Things were getting worse and I needed a plan. I only paid the bills we needed to pay so he would not be suspicious should a cut off notice come in the mail. I handled all the money so he had no idea I was moving money from his account to mine. I was setting it up so I could get the fuck out. He had no idea. We never talked about money the entire time we were married. He didnt know how to check the account. He never liked to go into the bank neither.
The phone rang. I saw who it was a let it go to voicemail. Dean was sitting in the living room and I was in the kitchen freaking the fuck out. Why were they calling the house!
"Hi, Aletta, it's Pearl from Indio Desert Palms, I just wanted to let you know the apartment you applied for is ready, please give me a call there is one thing we need to go over. Thanks and have a great day!"
I will never forgot this message.
Dread.....Dean heard the voicemail.
He looked at me with the eyes of the devil and I quickly told him he had nothing to worry about. I was not leaving. I told him I was not leaving and I would call her Monday to tell her to let the apartment go. I had applied for it when I was 2 months pregnant, which was not a lie, and that I didn't think it was approved, which was a lie. I knew I was approved. I applied for this the week after I busted him and Lori in my house.
Monday came and at 7am when they opened I called her and was so angry.
"why did you call the house, I told you to call my work number!"
"Aletta, I am so sorry!"
"What did you need to talk to me about?"
"The apartment is ready, we just need to replace the carpet."
"Fuck the carpet, just dont charge it to me when I move out! If, I dont move soon he is going to kill me. His anger is getting worse".
I told her about two weeks ago when he hit me while holding my son. She agreed she needed to help me. She said, come pick up your keys you can move in, in three days. I left from work and gave her the first months rent and deposit.
He looked at me with the eyes of the devil and I quickly told him he had nothing to worry about. I was not leaving. I told him I was not leaving and I would call her Monday to tell her to let the apartment go. I had applied for it when I was 2 months pregnant, which was not a lie, and that I didn't think it was approved, which was a lie. I knew I was approved. I applied for this the week after I busted him and Lori in my house.
Monday came and at 7am when they opened I called her and was so angry.
"why did you call the house, I told you to call my work number!"
"Aletta, I am so sorry!"
"What did you need to talk to me about?"
"The apartment is ready, we just need to replace the carpet."
"Fuck the carpet, just dont charge it to me when I move out! If, I dont move soon he is going to kill me. His anger is getting worse".
I told her about two weeks ago when he hit me while holding my son. She agreed she needed to help me. She said, come pick up your keys you can move in, in three days. I left from work and gave her the first months rent and deposit.
However, things at home were peaceful and we were talking as friends. I told him I wanted to move out. He agreed it was what was best. I told him I got the apartment and I was leaving. He was angry but never hit me.
"You want to leave? Fine! Go, but you are not taking shit from this house!"
"I need stuff from here, kids clothes, their stuff, my stuff!"
"You can take their dressers, clothes and your clothes"
At this point I knew if I pressed it, it was going to end badly. I agreed.
He was drinking while I was packing and he called his Cousin Ricki and his brother. I cant remember id Daniel helped me move, but I know Ricki did. He called in his family to help move me out. They started to drink and we were almost done.
"You will never be anything without me. I am allowing you to move so that we can be together again"
"You are allowing me to move? No, I am moving because I am done!"
"You will never be shit without me!"
They left and I settled us in with the little I was "able" to bring.
The violence would end here!
I was wrong!
It didn't.
The day we went to court I showed up early and was standing by the pay phones. I saw Dean come in with his mom and instantly he comes right to me. Anger on his face and starts yelling at me. Telling me not to do this and think about the kids and telling me hes going to take my children away from me. He started to push me and I was able to get away from him. I stood next to some man who was also on his way to get a divorce. His mom did nothing. In the court room he was trying to talk to me and the judge told him twice to stop talking to me. I asked for an escort for my way out. Court ended and I was granted legal custody and he was granted every other weekend visitation. This was not to his liking as he wanted the kids to himself. I walked out of the court room first per the judges order but he was quick to catch up.Then he slowed down when he realized I was being escorted to my car. His mom gave me a dirty look. If only she knew what he was telling me inside, she might have not given me that look.
Text message to me consisted of:
"Hey can you help me? I dont know how to check the bank account"
"Nope, ask your girlfriend to help you"
"Hey how do you balance the checkbook"
"Ask your girlfriend"
"You want to leave? Fine! Go, but you are not taking shit from this house!"
"I need stuff from here, kids clothes, their stuff, my stuff!"
"You can take their dressers, clothes and your clothes"
At this point I knew if I pressed it, it was going to end badly. I agreed.
He was drinking while I was packing and he called his Cousin Ricki and his brother. I cant remember id Daniel helped me move, but I know Ricki did. He called in his family to help move me out. They started to drink and we were almost done.
"You will never be anything without me. I am allowing you to move so that we can be together again"
"You are allowing me to move? No, I am moving because I am done!"
"You will never be shit without me!"
They left and I settled us in with the little I was "able" to bring.
The violence would end here!
I was wrong!
Divorce Day
The day was in the making. Since day one. These are the times where I wish I knew what the future held and I would not have waited so long. I was hoping this too would end the cycle. It didn't.
The day we went to court I showed up early and was standing by the pay phones. I saw Dean come in with his mom and instantly he comes right to me. Anger on his face and starts yelling at me. Telling me not to do this and think about the kids and telling me hes going to take my children away from me. He started to push me and I was able to get away from him. I stood next to some man who was also on his way to get a divorce. His mom did nothing. In the court room he was trying to talk to me and the judge told him twice to stop talking to me. I asked for an escort for my way out. Court ended and I was granted legal custody and he was granted every other weekend visitation. This was not to his liking as he wanted the kids to himself. I walked out of the court room first per the judges order but he was quick to catch up.Then he slowed down when he realized I was being escorted to my car. His mom gave me a dirty look. If only she knew what he was telling me inside, she might have not given me that look.
Text message to me consisted of:
"Hey can you help me? I dont know how to check the bank account"
"Nope, ask your girlfriend to help you"
"Hey how do you balance the checkbook"
"Ask your girlfriend"
Where the fuck is he?!
"You're in college so you can cheat on me, why are you cheating on me?"
"Yes, Dean I go to college to cheat on you. I don't need college to cheat on you, I can just go to the neighbors house like you did."
That conversation and the stuff about college is just things I needed to mention so that the next part of the story makes sense. This happen while we were living together, however, this next part is after the divorce.
It was Dean's weekend. He had my son and my daughter. I kept the baby as he said he was too small for him to take care of. He was only 4 months old.I was laying with the baby on my chest and we were sleeping. It was like 10am or so. I was so tired. As I was sleeping I was dreaming and in my dream I could smell his cologne. It was a very strong smell and I woke up but fear made me keep my eyes closed. Then Fear came over me and my heart started to race. I opened my eyes and he was standing over me with anger in his voice. I was terrified. How the fuck did he get in my apartment!!!
I sat up and held the baby as he was yelling at me and scrambling around my room looking in and under everything!
"Where the fuck is he?! I know he's here!?"
"Who the fuck are you talking about?"
"I know he's here I can smell his cologne, where the fuck is he hiding?!"
He was searching under the bed, in the closet, under the bathroom sink. I was still so terrified I never got off the bed.
"How did you get in my house?!"
"Dont worry about it!... where the fuck is he"
Word Vomit, "I am not you! get the fuck out or I am calling the cops!"
He left. I stood up and saw my other two kids walking right behind him. I was too afraid to tell him to leave them with me.
I called the cops anyway. The officer who came to my apartment was the same one who had come to the house when I was pregnant and ran out of the house. He was a very arrogant man and made me so angry this day.
"I don't even know why I am here, all you battered women always take them back."
Word vomit
"Are you always a dick?! I moved out because I was done, not so we could work things out"
I am not sure if my comment made a difference in his way of life or the fact that he realized what he said was fucked up. All I know is that he was now on my side and made a report. He went to Deans house but he was not home.
When the kids came home I asked them how he got in. My daughter told me he picked up the sliding door and took it off the rail.
The officer came back a few days later after I called him and told him what to add to his report. He came back to ask me more questions, check the sliding door and also came with this device to lock my door. This officer actually cared about my safety this time. He changed my view on cops since the first time I had to call them. This time they were taking my report seriously. I should have called them more, like when hit me while holding my son, but I felt they would not have cared.
Officer Gonzales would call me once a week and check the door while I slept and he was on his shift. I wish I never lost contact with him.
When he started to deny my son
A few weeks went by and I felt safe enough to bring a friend over who had been wanting to make me dinner. He was always so nice to me. He said, "let me come over and make you dinner so you can feel relaxed and not worry", I warned him of Dean and he said, his only concern was to make me smile in a time where I have not smiled in a while. He was very sweet to me. Dean had all the kids this weekend. Michael came over and he made me crab legs. I had never had crab legs before and I was very excited. He even made a salad. This was a night I really needed. He was a good friend to me. One who I am grateful for. The night went well and we ate and then sat down to watch a movie.
Then a knock at the door. Dread came over me. No one ever came to my house.
I looked through the peep hole and saw my kids and Dean. The baby was not with him. Till this day I do not know where he was that night. My dumb ass opened the door just a bit to ask him what he wanted. I thought maybe it was something with the kids as he was supposed to bring them to me the next day.
"Let me in, I need to piss"
"UM no, you can go back to your house and pee?"
"Who the fuck is here that you cant let me in?"
"No one this is my house and I don't want you in here!"
My arm was holding the door and my foot too. My foot at the bottom of the door and my forearm was at the edge of the open door.
He kicked it in and almost broke my arm. I flew backward and Michael came out from the kitchen. Dean was pissed that there was a man in my house and the first thing he did was try to get in his face.
"Why they fuck are you in my house with my wife?!"
"This isn't your house and shes not your wife any longer!"
I jumped in the middle and Dean raised his hand to me. Word vomit, "oh now your going to hit me again?"
Dean reached up and over my head and tried to punch my 6 foot friend in his face. I am not sure if he connected as I was pushed out of the way by Michael and Dean was instantly put in a headlock. Michael never laid a hand on Dean and Dean never got another chance to hit him or me. They struggled on the floor of the hallway and Dean tried his hardest to get out.
"Mother fucker let me go!"
"I will let you go when you calm down. The only reason I have not kicked your ass is because I respect these kids who are staring at us"
My two kids were watching this whole thing happen. Not saying a word. He respected my children he had never met. Dean calmed down and was let go. I made sure to tell him I was calling the cops. He made sure to mention he was taking the kids because I didnt deserve them. I called the cops, a report was filed and they could not find him. They knew he was home as they could see his truck in the garage since he didn't close it all the way. He could not be arrested.
I was asked in court if I wanted to press charges. He was staring at me in court with the devil in his eyes and I declined. I was scared to say yes.
I was very paranoid and scared to be home. I spent my weekends with Michael and his family in Moreno Valley. It was weird. I had a full family and he had no children at all. I was scared all the time thinking Dean followed me. I would even wake from a deep sleep and feel him there and panic.
He asked my kids where we would go and of course they had to tell him or they would get in trouble. He found out his name was Michael and this is when he started to deny the baby was his. My bad for meeting a man with the same name as my infant son.
Things with Michael and I didn't work out for obvious reasons. However, we remained friends for as long as we could.
Learning to drive in reverse
"What you can't say hi to me now?"
"I just wanted to get my kids and go home, its late"
"You think you can just walk into my house and get my kids"
"yes, you were out here and I got my kids"
Got the kids in the car and I was getting into the drivers side. The door was still open and he put himself in the way so I could not close the door. We were at the edge of the driveway. My car was parked on the side walk and next to a brick pillar attached to the wrought iron fence which almost enclosed the yard.
He was still yelling at me and I just wanted to leave. I turned on the car and the stereo started to play and it was loud. I turned it down.
"Give me my fucking stereo!"
I took out the stereo and word vomit came out. Not thinking he would actually hit me in front the of kids again or in front of his brother.
Stereo out
Stereo up in the air
Stereo thrown full force to the ground.
"There, its a piece of shit anyway!"
He hit me four times with a closed fist but this time was different. Not only did his brother and friend not come over to me, I am not even sure they knew what happen. I stood up out of the car. He backed up around the drivers door, he opened his mouth and I am not even sure what he was about to say, but he never got the chance to say anything, my arm came up and I hit him one time square in the face and he flew backward, stumbled and hit his head on the brick pillar. Dazed he didnt move. I jumped in the car. Closed the door and he stood up like a fucking jack in the box and his eyes, oh my gosh I will never forget those eyes, it was like Satan crawled out from the depths of Hell right in front of my car and I was going to die.
Car in Reverse and the chase was on. I drove in reverse all the way down the street, past his girlfriends house and his brother tackled him in the street. Straight up tackled him like a football player and they both rolled on the floor. I stopped in front of his brother Daniels house and turned the car around.
I never picked up my kids from his house again. From that point forward we were meeting at the police station. This still did not stop the harassment, threats or pushing, but it was the last time he ever hit me in my face.
Moving on.... or at least trying
A few months had pasted, and I was partying and hanging out with some women I worked with at the County. We would hang out at the Blue Bar in the casino till Dean would show up and make scene or would text me endlessly asking who I was there with. Then it was So and so saw you over here..... who the fuck are you with... why are you dancing with the piniche chavala. It was tiring and all I wanted to do was enjoy myself. I had to go out in different towns just to be able to enjoy my night with my friends. It got to the point that I was never in town when I was without my kids. I could not even go to the casino to eat. It was tiring. Or take off to Mexico for the weekend to have some me time. Then he started to not take the kids on the weekends because he said I didnt deserve to have free time. He didnt once think about how it made the kids feel every time he told then he was going to get them and then I would call and he would say fuck you.
"Are you taking the kids tonight"
"Nope, for what so you can go fuck that vato you were dancing with. Nope fuck you, I'm going out. "
Another disappointing weekend for my kids after the other till I stopped asking and he started to ask me again. More than likely it was his mom and dad asking.
Finally I gave up. I was driving by a car dealership this one day. I had the kids with me and I walked in, looked around, all of a sudden was being ushered into a room to talk shop. The man who was talking to me helped me get into a different car and I told my reasons as to why. I was tried of being followed everywhere I went. I was tired of him knowing everything I did. He would always tell me, he knew where I was because his friends would tell him. I found out he was actually following me. I traded my car in for a red ford focus. I damn loved that car!. He could not follow me any longer as there were too many of them around. Finally relief. I got a text from him about a week later.
"What the fuck is my car doing on top of that trailer! Go over there and get my fucking rims and my stereo!"
"If you want them so bad, go get them yourself"
He never mentioned following me again. He was working on his relationship with Lori and she moved into the house we had together. My name was off the rental agreement the day I moved out. The landlords worked with me so they ended the lease early and made him sign a new one.
Chavala "punk"
Shortly after this date my friend Monica and I were going to get the kids. I knew it would be dumb to go alone since he was still on his violent streak with words and pushing. I asked him to meet me in La Quinta by a park. He pulled up and I got out of her yellow pickup truck and walked over to his truck. I asked him to get the kids out."How the fuck do you come over here with some piniche chavala and come and get my kids!"
"What the fuck are you talking about"
I didnt realize how darkly tinted her windows were when I turned to look at what he was pointing at.
I smiled and this pissed him off.
"My friend Monica is in there you dumb fuck, I am not here with some guy"
Pushed me
"why the fuck are you pushing me!"
Pushed me again right into his mirror.
Monica rolled down the window
"Why the fuck are you pushing her!"
"He thinks you a guy"
We both laughed.
He opened the door and got the kids out and drove away all pissed off.
He still denies this day happen, seems to be the only day he actually remembers.
When she hit me - Word Vomit
I had gone over there one night and Lori was very pregnant. Of course Dean was running his mouth. I laughed that she was pregnant and I told him he was dumb for having a baby with a woman with 8 kids already. He raised his voice and she came over to my car where were we arguing. "What the fuck did you just tell him, why you trying to bother us when I am pregnant"
I just laughed at her, didn't she do the same thing to me?
Dean said, "Shes a good woman and shes easy to get along with" This seemed to be his go to phrase.
Word vomit "Yeah, because she's a whore"
Then she punched me one time in the face and I just smiled at her. Dean said for me not to hit her and I told him I was a better person than them both. I got the kids and filed a report. They could not arrest her since they didn't answer the door and because my face didn't bruise fast enough for them. I hated Indio Cops but loved the Indio court system.
Oh important to note here.....
Lori and Dean were seeing each other right after I had our first child together. She lived in the same apartment complex we did and moved in with her mom shortly before we moved into the house. This is why she was so emotional about me having a child in my belly. She also had a three year old who could very well have been Deans. However, everyone denies it. Even though she has the same dimples as my son. His whole family knew he was cheating on me and never told me. I would never speak to them as long as I could help it.
Moving out of the County
Months had passed and I was dating this man from out of town. He lived in Ocean Side. The kids and I were there a lot. I didn't want to date anyone local as it would have just caused drama for me all the time. I loved the two hours drive as I knew he would not follow me for two hours to see where I was going. Things were going well and Luke asked us to move in with him and his two boys. I said yes. However, I was not allowed to move out of the county. I just moved into a new apartment and it was close to the end of my lease. I went to the courts and filed papers to move out of the county. Since Dean and I had kids and were married at one time I had to get his permission to move the kids out of the county. I could not even move to the next county, let alone another state. They told me if we didnt go through this process I could be charged with kidnapping. I did what I needed to do. I filed papers to move out of the county. Dean was served and a date was set. The day before Court I text him to ask him if he was coming to court. I wanted proof he was not going to go in case he didn't.
[Hey are you going to court tomorrow?]
[No, if I don't go you cant get your way. Its a burden for me to take time off work if they are just going to tell you no since you need my permission] Or something to that affect.
Day of court. We waited for 45 minutes for him to show up. He asked me if I served him and I said yes.
"Ms. Ramos, do you know why Mr. Ramos is not in court"
I said yes. He wanted to know what I knew. I read him the text messages and he had the bailiff show him my phone. The next words out of his mouth were music to my ears.
"Well, Ms Ramos, since Mr. Ramos felt it to be a burden to fight to keep his kids here you have my permission to move out of the county. Based on the evidence you have shown here with the police reports and now these text messages. You are free to move to whatever county you want to"
"Your honor, may I move back to Colorado to be with my family? I have no one here and I want to go home"
"Ms. Ramos, you have my permission to go back home"
THE BEST DAY IN THE WORLD! However, I didn't want to go home yet. I wanted to move in with my boyfriend with the option of going back home.The kids and I moved a few weeks later. Dean still got he kids on the weekends he asked for them. We were no longer following the order. We would exchange kids when HE wanted them.
You would think the violence and harassment stopped here. It didn't.
Kmart Parking Lot
Since I was living out of town I no longer wanted to meet him at his house or the police station. They were both unsafe as there was never a cop outside when I needed one. The events in this blog are ones I can vividly remember. There were so many other times he was violent. However, these one I remember as if I was still there. Anyway, I figured meeting at Kmart, a very public place was the best place to meet. We met here a few times. However, on this day, I didn't want to come alone and Luke felt he needed to be here this time to save me from drama if it started.
It didn't take long. I had asked Luke to go into Kmart to get something to drink. He knew it was just to take him out of visual since Dean did not know what he looked like.
Dean parked next to me except he didn't know it was me. We came in Luke's Black Camero. I was coming out of the store when he pulled up. He saw me and parked. Lori was in the passenger seat of his Black Yukon or suburban.. I get the two confused. Anyway, I started walked to him and he got the kids out of his truck. I got them and walked them over to the car. His mind must have exploded.
"What the fuck you come over here in this fucking vatos car to pick up my kids!"
Here we go
"Dean just go home"
"Fuck you, you cant come over here in this fucking car to get my kids"
He started to walk towards me and I walked right to the front doors. I need to be in public so he had many witnesses. As I was walking passed the truck to the front of Kmart I saw Lori sitting there with her head down. This was when I knew he was also violent with her, but she was the last of my concern. I walked passed the window.
"Bitch you better get your boyfriend under control"
I think she said fuck you.. or nothing at all.. I didn't stick around to hear her.
I almost ran to the front as he was walking behind me... of course this was after he proceeded to punch and kick Luke's car.
I made it to the front and here he comes... then I noticed he has Lori's sunglasses on.
It was hard to take him serious and Luke came and stood sort of by me but more in the crowed as he proceeded to yell at me about my choice in men around my kids and how disrespectful I was. Wasn't his girlfriend in his truck.....You thought it too.
He began to harrass me and tell me I could not have the kids and this and that and once he called me a bitch Luke came out of the crowed and they had heated words. No punches were thrown. I asked him was he was wearing chic glasses and that pissed him off some more.
After about 15-20 of arguing he finally left to his truck. We started to walk across the street to get to his car and here comes Dean speeding in the parking lot right towards us. He barely missed us and kept driving. Luke, the kids and I went home.
On our way home I still didn't understand why the girl glasses and i got a text from someone in his family that night and they told me he was on Meth and that their brother sold it to him so it was not hearsay it was fact. He wore chic glasses to keep me from seeing his dilated pupils.
"Dear John"
Things with Luke and I didn't work out. I left him and wrote Dean a letter to let him know I was leaving with the kids to Colorado. In this letter I clearly wrote, "By the time you get this letter we will already be in Colorado". I also wrote, " I wrote this because I knew you would kill me if I told you in person". He still has this letter. I will explain more further in the blog. I was pulled over in Arizona and issued a warning. I was driving 110 in a 65. Whoops. I was crying and could not get the glove box open so he felt bad and let me go.
I drove from Indio, California to Albuquerque, New Mexico before I was too tired to drive any further. It was a long trip. I don't even remember stopping for gas or eating. I am sure we did, as I had three little people in my backseat I needed to feed. My main goal was to get as far away from California as quickly as possible. I was safer with my family. The next morning I drove the rest of the way to my moms house. I was finally safe, so I thought.
I took Dean three months to contact me. He called me and was able to have a civil conversation with me. I asked him if he got the letter and he said yes and said he would have killed me if I would have told him in person. I told him I know, that why I wrote it. He occasionally called to talk to them. It was rare.
Vacation Trip one
Two years after I moved he finally wanted to see the kids. He offered to fly them out and I very stupidly accepted. I know his mom paid for it and not him, but I didn't do it for him. I did it for my kids. They needed their dad. I took them to the airport and I was so scared. They had never flown alone and it was scary. They made it safely. He was to send them back on the plane home in two weeks. Then the phone calls started.
Called to tell me how terrible of a mom I was and how they were better off with him and he was taking better care of them and calling me names. All of this in front of my kids. My daughter was there too, as this was the only dad she had known.
FOr a week I kept asking what the flight information was and I was told they had not gotten the tickets yet. Two days before they were to be home he called. Gave me the news I knew was coming. He is keeping them.
At this point I knew I needed to be brave, I was far from him and there was no way he was taking my kids. He said, "If you want them back, you need to drive down here to get them!" I called my best friend, told her the story and we packed a backpack and drove to California that night.
We arrived there and went to a new house he was renting with Lori. I get there and I see he still has all the stuff, which was mine, like shot glasses from Germany my Dad and step mom bought me, were sitting on the shelf where they always were. I asked for them and Lori said no. Then my son called her "Momma Lo" and in my head I punched her in the throat like a gagillian times. I didn't want to make a scene. I needed to make sure I could get my kids out of that house. They said their goodbyes and we left. He was just manipulating the situation so I had to come get them. He didn't want to spend money on it.
The Phone call from California
Life Changer
A day after I arrived home from picking them up in California, I received a phone call from my friend. She told me the kids were all separated while they were there and my daughter didn't want to stay at Dean and Lori's house. She was scared. She stayed with my friend for hours and always wanted to stay the night. The boys were left with Loris kids or his brothers. Or the kids were left home alone with her some of her kids.Life Changer
I raised my kids to never be afraid of telling me something and always let them know there would never be a time I didnt believe them, so they knew they could trust me.
I asked my daughter about what happened at the house when they were there and she said that Dean and Lori were always drunk, always fighting or always out drinking. She said her (lori's) oldest kids, who lived at that house, were watching them. This was confirmed by my friend as she lived down the street. Then my daughter told me something which changed everything.
My daughter told me that Lori's son chased her around with a knife and was threatening her with it. She said she was scared and tried to tell Dean and Lori but they didn't believe her. My friend, whose home they would go visit also told me my daughter said she was scared. She said she could see the fear in her face and when her voice would shake. Then she told me the boys were also hurt there. She said Lori's son would pull on their penis' to make them cry and would pull it till they were screaming. My daughter said she and the boys tried to tell Dean and Lori and they told them they didn't want to know why they were crying and for them to go and play.
This is heart breaking for a mom to hear. My children should not have been scared when they are visiting their dad in his home. My kids were made to sleep on the floor while her kids got the beds. I think this was very wrong. I was also told recently that my daughter was made to sleep next to dean while the boys slept on the floor.
I was so pissed and so sicken to my stomach I didnt waste any time getting my boys examined and file court papers to get full custody. I was in court within 30 days of this. I drove to CA for this. My kids are my world!
Same thing happened here in court. He never showed! Dean sent me a text message that he was not going to court and that I was not going to get my way because he was not there. This was a burden to him is what he wrote in the text message. This text message was also submitted into the court records. I was granted FULL LEGAL CUSTODY and because, in the words of the judge, "he is not here to fight for his kids or fight these allegations he does not need to see them" he was granted NO VISITATION.
So for those of you who just cant understand how I can be such an evil woman and keep children from such a "loving father"...
I hope your eyes have been opened. This was something which had to be done, this is something which will never be undone!
I hope your eyes have been opened. This was something which had to be done, this is something which will never be undone!
Two years past and he and I never spoke. I did speak to Joseph and Wendy. I do miss them. I miss Daniel too.
UPDATE: someone told me that dean may have been the one to have done this to my boys. He better hope he never finds himself anywhere near my kids.
Vacation Trip two 2008
Joseph reached out to me one week and asked if he could take the kids to California to see Dean and the grand parents. I was very hesitant and against my better judgement I agreed to let the boys go but not my daughter. She didn't want to go back and she didn't need to. She had no reason to go back as no one there was her blood relative. I was very specific in telling Joseph to not let the boys stay the night with him. He was NOT allowed to have any overnight stays whether he was with Lori or not. I didn't feel my boys were safe in his care.My assumptions were realized when no one would answer my calls and when I was constantly lied to about where my children were. I would call every day and J never answered his phone and when I would call to Deans moms house they would never answer. Day two of not hearing from my boys started to piss me off and I blew up everyone's phones. I had to finally reach Joseph at 6am in order to get them to answer the phone. I was then told the boys had been staying the night with Dean. My anger rose and I told him that he had just a few short days to get my kids home or I was going to press kidnapping charges since he took them over there and completely disregarded my stipulations of the children not staying the night. I knew in my heart I should have never sent them.
Then the calls and text from Dean started.
I told Jessica and Dean they needed to bring my kids home. Joseph said he would bring them home by the end of the week. They were returned to me on the 12th.
TEXT FROM DEAN: March 9, 2008 10:31pm
They are already home
(this text was because of the text below, I called him to find out what he was talking about, said he was keeping my boys, which he didn’t have permission to have overnight, but his brother went behind my back and took them there to stay the two weeks they were gone, he promised me that they would not stay overnight with Dean. Dean told me in the phone call that he was not sending the boys home because I was struggling and by him keeping the boys was going to make it easier on me. He put my 9 year old son on the phone and TOLD him to tell me that he wanted to stay with daddy because he would do better there. I told my son that he had to finish school here and told him that I love him and that he needed to come home to me. I was crying at this point as I felt I was losing my kids. Dean got on the phone called me a bitch and asked me why my son was crying. His exact words were: “WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU TELL MY SON THAT HES CRYING?” I told him that I told my son that he needed to come home) he was pissed and I ended the phone call. Then he text me this. I didn’t not respond)
(this text was because of the text below, I called him to find out what he was talking about, said he was keeping my boys, which he didn’t have permission to have overnight, but his brother went behind my back and took them there to stay the two weeks they were gone, he promised me that they would not stay overnight with Dean. Dean told me in the phone call that he was not sending the boys home because I was struggling and by him keeping the boys was going to make it easier on me. He put my 9 year old son on the phone and TOLD him to tell me that he wanted to stay with daddy because he would do better there. I told my son that he had to finish school here and told him that I love him and that he needed to come home to me. I was crying at this point as I felt I was losing my kids. Dean got on the phone called me a bitch and asked me why my son was crying. His exact words were: “WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU TELL MY SON THAT HES CRYING?” I told him that I told my son that he needed to come home) he was pissed and I ended the phone call. Then he text me this. I didn’t not respond)
TEXT FROM DEAN: March 9, 2008 10:20pm
Then how come I got through with Jessica’s phone and to his voicemail. Why do u lie so much. enough already. ( told him that I have no idea what he is talking about, my sons phone can not block phone numbers and he does not have voicemail, started yelling at me and I hung up)
TEXT FROM DEAN: March 9, 2008 7:26pm
Why am I blocked from calling my son from my cell & house what the fuck
( told him in a text that I had no idea what he was talking about, his phone doesn’t block phone numbers)
VOICEMAILS TO MY COUSINS PHONE and MY PHONE SAVED ON OUR PHONES.
ON MY PHONE:
SUNDAY 3 missed calls from him
SATURDAY 9 missed calls from him
FRIDAY 2 missed calls from him
THURSDAY 4 missed calls Blocked number
WEDNESDAY 1 missed call Blocked number
Then....
Dean or his girlfriend called my apartment complex to find out how much my rent was and how much I owed. The apartment complex gave this information to them!! There would have been NO way he would have known that I owed $10 for this month. I had gotten the notice the day before the phone call. I talked to my managers here and they stated they have no idea who he talked to or if it was him or his girlfriend that called to get information about me.
Dean or his girlfriend called my apartment complex to find out how much my rent was and how much I owed. The apartment complex gave this information to them!! There would have been NO way he would have known that I owed $10 for this month. I had gotten the notice the day before the phone call. I talked to my managers here and they stated they have no idea who he talked to or if it was him or his girlfriend that called to get information about me.
They put notes in the account that NO ONE, including myself can get information over the phone. During this same phone conversation Jessica told me that they took the boys to a school to find out about getting them into school there. He told me that he talked to my 9 year olds sons’ teacher about my son and that he was only going to school two days a week, which is not true. I talked to the school as well, because Dean is not listed as a parent or contact person for my children. I gave them my court order from California that states I have full legal and physical custody of my children. They were advised not to give any information over the phone to anyone. They asked if there was a risk that he may come to the school and take them, I stated no and that he didn’t have the funds to get here.
I was wrong
TEXT FROM DEAN: March 14, 2008 10:32pm
U wanna play games lets play put mijo on the phone or r u scared about what I already know
TEXT FROM DEAN: March 14, 2008 10:18pm
Ur the biggest fucken lair I ever met
TEXT FROM DEAN: March 14, 2008 9:03pm
What the hell r u hiding from me where r my boys
Saturday March 15, 2008
Mr. Ramos proved me wrong. He showed up to my work located at 3700 Tejon Street, Denver, Co 80211. He asked if I was surprised and smiled. I said yes, and asked him what they were doing here. My words were actually "what the fuck are you doing here". He said he was in the neighborhood and wanted to say hello. ( HE LIVES IN CALIFORNIA!) also, I have only been at the job for 3 weeks. I was super scared because a few days ago he tells me that I cant have my kids back and now he showed up to my work. He also stated that he was sitting outside my apartment waiting for me to come home. ( he had never been to my house and they only way he could have gotten my address would have been because he asked me for my address to mail me homework my son’s teacher sent with him or his brother) So while he was eating his dinner, I talked to my boss and he saw how scared I was. I told him I needed to go. He had his 6 year old son get my purse and then I called him to the back, that the bathroom was fucked up. He opened the back door and I slipped out the back door, ran to my car and sped away. I called my cousin, told her to take the kids to my moms and to hurry then I called my mom.
Mr. Ramos proved me wrong. He showed up to my work located at 3700 Tejon Street, Denver, Co 80211. He asked if I was surprised and smiled. I said yes, and asked him what they were doing here. My words were actually "what the fuck are you doing here". He said he was in the neighborhood and wanted to say hello. ( HE LIVES IN CALIFORNIA!) also, I have only been at the job for 3 weeks. I was super scared because a few days ago he tells me that I cant have my kids back and now he showed up to my work. He also stated that he was sitting outside my apartment waiting for me to come home. ( he had never been to my house and they only way he could have gotten my address would have been because he asked me for my address to mail me homework my son’s teacher sent with him or his brother) So while he was eating his dinner, I talked to my boss and he saw how scared I was. I told him I needed to go. He had his 6 year old son get my purse and then I called him to the back, that the bathroom was fucked up. He opened the back door and I slipped out the back door, ran to my car and sped away. I called my cousin, told her to take the kids to my moms and to hurry then I called my mom.
Then more text message
TEXT FROM JESSICA: March 15, 2008 9:16pm
WHAT HAPPEN?? WELL NOW WE KNOW UR HIDING SOMETHING & DEAN IS REALLY HURT. WE WANTED 2 SURPRISE THE KIDS. WE MOVED HERE. SO JUST TALK 2 DEAN THAT’S ALL U HAVE 2 DO
TEXT FROM JESSICA: March 15, 2008 10:58pm
Aletta u need to call us. If u don’t want 2 talk 2 dean call me or text me. He doesn’t even know that im trying to call u.
TEXT FROM DEAN: March 16, 2008 6:29pm
(Received this message three times)
I’ll be here all week im in no hurry. Soo u will c me!!
TEXT FROM DEAN: March 16, 2008 5:50pm
Cops already know about u letting Enrique abuse the boys
TEXT FROM DEAN: March 16, 2008 3:58pm
I guess we will do things the hard way cps will c u in the morning bye Aletta
TEXT FROM DEAN: March 16, 2008 2:30pm
I already called the cops they will be looking for you
TEXT FROM DEAN: March 16, 2008 5:06am
Aletta you cant hide 4 the rest of the month I love surprises don’t you?
**************
Dean was served restraining order papers on March 17, 2008 @ 8:35pm. In front of Chubbies restaurant on 84th and Washington by three of my best friends.
Dean was served restraining order papers on March 17, 2008 @ 8:35pm. In front of Chubbies restaurant on 84th and Washington by three of my best friends.
I had to trick him into meeting me. It was the only way I could be sure I was safe and he could not take my kids. I told him to meet me at Chubbies and he could see the kids for an hour. Then, when he parked, I signaled my friends to swoop over and they served him papers. I drove off while they had his car blocked in.
**************
TEXT FROM DEANS PHONE : March 17, 2008 10:07pm
(came on to my phone in three different messages)
All Dean &I wanted was 2 talk 2 the kids. This has nothing 2 do w/u but everything 2 do with the kids.all ur doing is making us fight harder & were not giving up
We just wanted 2 talk 2 the kids. This could have been easy if u let us just talk 2 them. If u dont want 2 talk 2 dean then talk 2 me. This is not over. Just started
TEXT FROM DEANS PHONE FROM JESSICA TO MY DAUGHTERS PHONE:
March 19, 2008 8:57pm
Hi mija. Did ur mom tell u that me & ur dad r in Colorado & we wanted 2 c u but she didn’t let us? If u ever need anything call us. We r not far anymore
TEXT FROM DEAN PHONE: March 19, 2008 6:47pm
I ll c u in court
TEXT FROM DEAN: March 19, 2008 6:44pm
Did u at least tell the boys that we were there looking for them or r u lying to them about us too knowing u that’s messed up because its not their fault
The cops did call me and told me I needed to bring my children home so that they could verify they were safe and unharmed. I advised them I would only go home if they could ensure he would not be anywhere around there. They stated he would not be there. They showed up and one police officer looked down and notice there was a dollar bill on the floor. I was a waitress and assumed this was mine and had fell out of my pocket. After they walked through my house and looked in my fridge and all the rooms they ask me why this was happening. I advised them of my mistake on allowing his brother to take them and how he came over here with some crazy notion he was entitled to see these kids and that he was mad I had full custody. They agreed with me this was not ok and filed my report.
Adams County police department were the ones who went to my house and Denver County for my work. With my educational training in Criminal Justice I knew not to reply to the messages and knew not to answer the phone. I knew just to allow him to continue messaging to dig his hole deeper.
After I left, an officer called me and told me not to return home till they were able to confirm his whereabouts. He stated my neighbor saw the cops were there with me and had information they needed to know. He told them Dean paid him $20 or $40 to call him when I showed up at the house. He realized this was not right when he saw me show up with the cops at my door.
That same night after they left my house I noticed a cigarette hanging over my note holder by my door. I took it, as I smoked when I was stressed out and my neighbor, whom I rarely talked to, knew and I thought he had left it for me.I went back to my moms house where I felt safe since Dean didn't know where she lived.
As I was counting my tips from the night I noticed one of the dollar had writing on it. When I read it was shocked. It was not from work. This was a note from Dean to my kids.
WHAT THE FUCK!
Had I read it when I was there this would have been admitted into evidence at that moment! I ran out to my car to grab the cigarette my instincts told me not to smoke yet... another message was written on it... My sons name.
Since the officer told me to pick it up I knew I would still be able to file this into evidence with this case. I did.
Here are the images. Momma didn't raise a fool. I knew to save pictures of them!
Denver county took my case and labeled it Domestic Violence and they had the other case numbers form Adams County and California. Once the court dates came around I was terrified. I was not sure what was going to happen.
This did not stop the violence and harassment.
The cops did call me and told me I needed to bring my children home so that they could verify they were safe and unharmed. I advised them I would only go home if they could ensure he would not be anywhere around there. They stated he would not be there. They showed up and one police officer looked down and notice there was a dollar bill on the floor. I was a waitress and assumed this was mine and had fell out of my pocket. After they walked through my house and looked in my fridge and all the rooms they ask me why this was happening. I advised them of my mistake on allowing his brother to take them and how he came over here with some crazy notion he was entitled to see these kids and that he was mad I had full custody. They agreed with me this was not ok and filed my report.
Adams County police department were the ones who went to my house and Denver County for my work. With my educational training in Criminal Justice I knew not to reply to the messages and knew not to answer the phone. I knew just to allow him to continue messaging to dig his hole deeper.
After I left, an officer called me and told me not to return home till they were able to confirm his whereabouts. He stated my neighbor saw the cops were there with me and had information they needed to know. He told them Dean paid him $20 or $40 to call him when I showed up at the house. He realized this was not right when he saw me show up with the cops at my door.
That same night after they left my house I noticed a cigarette hanging over my note holder by my door. I took it, as I smoked when I was stressed out and my neighbor, whom I rarely talked to, knew and I thought he had left it for me.I went back to my moms house where I felt safe since Dean didn't know where she lived.
As I was counting my tips from the night I noticed one of the dollar had writing on it. When I read it was shocked. It was not from work. This was a note from Dean to my kids.
WHAT THE FUCK!
Had I read it when I was there this would have been admitted into evidence at that moment! I ran out to my car to grab the cigarette my instincts told me not to smoke yet... another message was written on it... My sons name.
Since the officer told me to pick it up I knew I would still be able to file this into evidence with this case. I did.
Here are the images. Momma didn't raise a fool. I knew to save pictures of them!
 |
| Elijah mijo its daddy - 404-6184 I told you I would come |
 |
| Mijo I told you I would be here |
 |
| Elijah |
Denver county took my case and labeled it Domestic Violence and they had the other case numbers form Adams County and California. Once the court dates came around I was terrified. I was not sure what was going to happen.
This did not stop the violence and harassment.
Court is in session (Adams county)
I showed up for court and waited my turn. Dean was not in the court room or anywhere around that I could see. Then my case was called. I stood there with my friend Rafael as the judge asked me questions about my proof of service. He asked me if I really served him papers and that pissed me off. He asked me, "how do I know you really served him? You had a friend sign off on this and there is no real proof that you served him since he is not here in court". This made me cry. As I was crying the judge said he had no choice but to throw out my case since I was lying about serving him papers. I was so angry. As we were leaving the court house Dean was brought up in handcuffs. They cuffed him downstairs when he got there. They brought him into the court room and I had word vomit...
"Do you fucking believe me now!"
I just stood there shaking in fear and anger. I was afraid my word vomit would get me thrown our of court. The judge went over the charges and had to nerve to say this was not domestic violence related and that I had submitted all my paperwork with the wrong courts. I told him I knew what I was doing and everything that happen at my house was why we were here and in the paperwork I only mentioned the Denver case report numbers. This judge was a complete ass hole!
He charged Dean with Disorderly conduct - noise.
WTF! Noise!! Was his threatening mannerisms too loud?!!
Case closed.
"Do you fucking believe me now!"
I just stood there shaking in fear and anger. I was afraid my word vomit would get me thrown our of court. The judge went over the charges and had to nerve to say this was not domestic violence related and that I had submitted all my paperwork with the wrong courts. I told him I knew what I was doing and everything that happen at my house was why we were here and in the paperwork I only mentioned the Denver case report numbers. This judge was a complete ass hole!
He charged Dean with Disorderly conduct - noise.
WTF! Noise!! Was his threatening mannerisms too loud?!!
Case closed.
Court is in session (Denver county)
Denver cared about me and my situation. The took into consideration all the court reports from CA and all the court records from Adams County and all the police reports, text messages and phone calls.
This case was labeled Domestic Violence as it should have been with Adams County.
We went to court and I was there with my husband and due to the nature of the case I was not allowed to be in the court room with him. They had me stay outside and my attorney came out to ask me some questions. I told him I had full custody and he was ordered to no visitation and that the protection order they issued was incorrect. He then asked where I wanted him to serve his probation. I told them I wanted him to go back to CA so that I could feel safe with my kids. He said he was going to order him to probation and anger management over there. I was ok with this. Court was over and things were going to be ok. However, he violated my order again right after court. I reported it and he was ordered to come back for a new court date. He never showed and a warrant was issued. My protection order was updated to state he could see my kids per the order of CA. However, I am not sure Dean understood what this meant. It meant, yes, he could see the kids.... had CA ordered it that way. They didnt. I have full custody and he was order to NO visitation. So yes, my protection order states he can see my kids. However, in reality he cannot. I am glad he cannot read these documents well. Just keeps violating my order with every text, phone call and threat. This case is still open due to him never coming to this last court date and has a new warrant for threats made after court.
The Adoption Procedure
In 2013 my husband and I started the adoption process. I had him served with papers but was told I didn't properly serve him. However, since he attended court, they took that as him knowing he was notified. I never received any other issues with this. During court, he called in, he started to talk to my son and caused him to have an anxiety attack. The judge ordered Dean to stop talking and told my boys to leave the court room. During the procedure we were going to change my sons name. This was not our decision this was his decision. He hated his middle name and felt that this was holding him back emotionally. Dean also sent in a letter to the judge, this letter was the letter I wrote to him. However, it was modified. He took out the part where I said, "I wrote this because I knew you would kill me if I told you in person". I explained to the judge this letter was modified. During this process Dean asked for more time and a new court date. He was being ordered to attend court in person, which he was not aware of yet and this caused more emotional issues within our family. Due to the added stress of these court dates my boys felt unsafe and we cancelled the adoption procedure. We spent over $2000 on this process and we felt the boys mental and emotional health was worth more than the money we spent. The court proceeding was cancelled. However, he thinks it was cancelled due to me being afraid of being sent to jail for the courts thinking I had not served him properly. This was not the case at all.
Personal Space Violated (2009)
somehow, not sure how, Joseph was given a copy of a picture of my family.....this picture and given to dean. A year later I was contacted to check his Facebook wall. I had hm blocked so I could not see it. I had to unblock him for 48 hours so that I could see his wall. He very publicly posted a picture of my kids, all of them! He just cropped my husband and myself out. What pissed me off the most was that he was even provided with this information. Like I mentioned throughout my blog, his family never gave a shit nor cared to see the impact these actions would have on my family. They do not understand the fear that was placed knowing he knew what my family looked like and was planning a trip to visit. Some day.... maybe after they read this blog they will fully understand why he cannot and should never be able to see my children or know what they look like. I will do anything to keep my kids safe. I also hope he understands I am no longer scared. I live in a state with laws that will protect my kids and my family should the situation arise that I need to protect them. Not to mention all the cases he has for violence and harassment will be on my side.
Then....Out of the Blue (2015)
I was out with some friends when a facebook message popped up out of no where. I was shocked as to whom it was from and the first sentence was "Aletta, its me (name withheld) Dean has another restraining order against him....." that was all I could see in the tiny notification. I didn't want to read it right then and there as I was out enjoying my night.
I received this message from a family member of his and this person was concerned for my safety and the safety of my kids. They stated I needed to be on guard and beware Dean was up to no good and talking to himself and apparently hearing voices and he was given this restraining order for hurting his daughter by bruising her face and harassing his girlfriend.
They also let me know he was posting things about me and his girlfriend Jessica, which I didn't know they were broken up. I was made aware he was threatening me and her and calling me out on his Facebook ( go look and you can see it) and he was making sure I read these. He was posting these as early as April 2015.
Why all of a sudden was he bothering me and why all of a sudden did he think this was ok to call me out. He has a NO CONTACT restraining order which includes I cannot be contacted by a third party on his behalf....
There were about 6-10 messages about me, to me and threatening Jessica and I.
Not sure why these posts were commented on by people who do not know my story.
They only hear Dean and his ...poor me... boo hoo..... i cant see my kids.... these baby mommas are keeping them from me....I dont know why......boo hoo....
Then a few messages later hes like,
".....Aletta Joy, your next.....!"
a threat.... on Facebook and it was "liked" and commented on!
UGH... Grow up!
Contact with Jessica
I reached out to Jessica to get the whole story on what was happening. Why all of a sudden was he starting his shit.... he was single.... bored... and too much on his mind....
Jessica and I talked for weeks to catch up on all we needed to know about each others cases. Turns out they are very similar and its the same damn violence pattern. Not to mention how much he lied to her about me. Me as a person, the cases i have against him and many other stories he told her different to make himself seem like the "good" one. Hes is sweet at first then you hate him for hurting you, hitting you, belittling you, lying to you, betraying you...and starting over.
I never did mention.... when I was pregnant with my last child he bought me and my mom a ring... my ring was $4000 and my moms was $200-$500 ish. He bought me this ring because it was my "Dream" wedding ring. He wanted to show the world he loved me so very much by telling me he was sorry and he would never do it again... but he did.
Ladies and gentlemen.. this IS the cycle of violence
A letter which was given to me
I received a letter from a source in California. It was a letter that fell into the hands of someone who knew the letter was not true and was finally seeing his true colors.
This letter was written by his mom!
His mom wanted to make sure the story dean told her was true and I would lose my kids! If she knows her son is a habitual liar.... why would she do this to me! If she loved these kids why would she want to hurt them so that Dean could be happy?!!!! Then they all wonder why I never wanted my kids to go back to a family who would condone a man to lie in order to gain and why my children do not want anything to do with him!
Then... he wonders why "Did it ever occur to you to have a Fucken heart??" meant jack shit to me! You can read what this is about on my other blog linked at the bottom of this blog.
Here is the letter HIS MOM wrote to the courts:
So, as you can see, his family cannot come to grips with the fact that this is NOT normal behavior. They are all selfish and think that Dean can do no wrong. Yet, they know of his drug use, they know about his excessive drinking and yet they continue to support him because he manipulates them too and makes them feel guilty that he has no where to go to when the women in his life tell him to get the fuck out of the home THEY pay for and because he contributes NOTHING to the household other than being a companion for them. I'm sorry ladies, have more respect for yourselves and only date men who have a car and a job. If he has his own place consider that a bonus for you that he wont be using you. Dean uses women and his parents to take care of him! LOSER!
2017... the drama continues.
There have been rumor flying around that these allegations are not true.
Well.. Here are the screenshots for you.
These are all PUBLIC ACCESS, and anyone can screenshot these, so please feel free to look them up and read for yourself and look at the dates.
You are also free to email me, the blog owner, for more information.
You are also free to email me, the blog owner, for more information.
AS MENTIONED IN THE BEGINNING OF MY BLOG. MY CASE, JESSICA'S CASE AND MICHELLE'S CASE ARE ACTIVE!
Ladies keep yourself safe and stay away from this man!
What the CA codes mean:
- PC 273.6 (A) - Any intentional and knowing violation of a protective order, as defined in Section 6218 of the Family Code
- PC 166(A)(4) - guilty of contempt of court
- PC 273.5 - "corporal injury on a spouse" is defined as willfully inflicting a physical injury that causes a "traumatic condition" on an intimate partner
- PC 246.3 - negligent discharge is what is known as a “wobbler” in California law—meaning that it may be charged as either a misdemeanor or a felony.
- PC 422 - Any person who willfully threatens to commit a crime which will result in death or great bodily injury to another
- HS 11377(A) - possession of methamphetamine
- HS 11364 - possession of drug paraphernalia
MY COLORADO CASE (below)- ACTIVE!
AS MENTIONED ABOVE....
WHEN DOES THE VIOLENCE STOP!?
When will people open their eyes.....
GOOGLE SEARCH:
#DEANGRAMOS
DEANGRAMOS
#DEANRAMOS
DEANRAMOS
#DEANGUAJARDORAMOS
DEANGUAJARDORAMOS
To view all the blog posts about Dean, click this link, they are posted in the order they were written, as mentioned, there have been many events :
http://wdtvs.blogspot.com/
If you are reading from your phone, you might have to click on each blog individually.
NEW POSTS HAVE BEEN ADDED!
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LEAVE YOUR COMMENTS/THOUGHTS AT THE END OF THIS BLOG OR ANY BLOG.
YOU CAN BE LISTED AS ANONYMOUS, SO SPEAK FREELY!
Comments
Pathedic. Might as well have the other 3 women join your blog.
It's really sad that you still, after all these years, have so much hate in your heart. The funny thing is you read this and it affected you in a way which compelled you to stoop down the level of a five year old. You might has well have stuck your tongue out to. Please grow up. I am not sorry of this page offended anyone. I will never say sorry to anyone here who has an issue with me or this blog. You should not have wasted your time on expressing an emotion on a topic you know nothing about. You should have done like all the other readers have done, read it, shake your head in disgust, and move on with your life. However, you didn’t, you read it, you were offended and decided to put in your two cents on it. Stop carrying so much hate and learn to see how beautiful the world is. Teach your sons and daughters how they SHOULD be treated rather than showing them more hate in the world. This blog was not about you. If Dean has an issue with it, he is free to contact me at the email address listed on this blog and the other one, at his own risk. This blog is part of the first amendment where I am free to tell the story of the life I lived with such a violent man. There is nothing made up here, I am way to mature to make shit up. Carry on with a smile on your face and just remember I am not longer a part of this family. Thank the Universe for that shit! You and anyone else who has an issue with this blog can look in the mirror and remember this, YOU didn’t live this life, YOU were not living in this house, YOU were not in a relationship with him and YOU will never understand the level of fear and pain which domestic violence can cause a person and children until it’s in your own backyard, either with yourself or one of your offspring. I have said my peace with you and I leave you with this: Never talk down to a woman whose shoes you have never walked in. I would never wish this on my lowest enemy. Learn to hear the story and how it affected others, rather than allowing someone else’s story to affect you.
AJ
Thank you for sharing it brought up some deep feeling i didn't even know were still in there.
A Joy your Brave Beautiful and Amazing
Rara zap
I really appreciate honesty from anyone who comments on this blog. I am very sorry you had to see the ugly side and extend out my heart to you and anyone who has to deal with him. I see that he and Maria have some issues. That has been clear by your comment and the rants on Facebook, which have been sent to me. It's a sad relationship, which has triggered me in the last few years, reliving what he did to me by watching someone else go through it. PTSD is no joke and as a mental health counselor I learned that we have to take care of ourselves, before we can take care of anyone else. Thank you for helping me in this healing process to know that he was not putting her through what he put me through and she was just acting on her own insecurities.
I hope someday he can find peace with this and take ownership to allow himself to heal from the pain he caused himself and leave his ex's and their children alone. I feel sorry for him. He has no one to blame but himself.
I hope she can heal from her past hurt and move forward. I hope that Maria can find some peace of her own to depend on herself for love rather than searching for anyone to give it to her, even after finding out his history and seeing it with her own eyes, she should have seen the red flags. Self love is the only love that cannot cheat on you and make you feel worthless. I hope someday she will love herself so much she empowers herself to move forward.
I also feel for the children who have been hurt by anyone who molests and causes children life long mental health problems, if they are not dealt with properly, with a professional.
Feel free to email me. I will never use your name and I will never add it to the blog without your permission. Thank you again for sharing.
My your and your family have a blessed evening.
Aletta Joy
alettajoy2@yahoo.com
It has been a long road, which never seems to end. As of recently I have no choice but to pray for him and ask that he be healed from the inside and pray that he leaves me alone. He needs to let it go and stop searching for us. Thank you for your comment. I love my life! I have worked hard and spent a lot of money on my education and I finally understood why God put me in Dean's path. I needed to learn something from the experience in order to help others. I have helped a lot of people because of it. I wish you and yours a blessed day and I hope that peace and love will follow you. Please share my blog. I hope that someone can read it and gain strength to be able to tell themselves, "enough is enough" and move forward.
To protect you, I have deleted the comments. I had a feeling that they were being passed to them. Please email me any updates. Alettajoy2@yahoo.com